Manic Movie Month: Jigsaw

In last year's MMM, I took a look back at all the previous movies in the "Saw" franchise as some sort of a preparation for the release of the not so long awaited 8th movie in the series. I still think "Saw" is a brilliant concept, a man that went through a life changing event, setting a goal to make people bring out something humans in general has lost in recent years, the urge to survive and live, but after all the pointless sequels with boring characters, confusing stories, and over the top torture porn, I had grown pretty tired of the series. Therefore, I had a choice to make, either watch the new movie entitled "Jigsaw" in theaters, risking spending my money on another dumb sequel, or wait for it to pop up on any of the streaming services. Well, the wait is over, "Jigsaw" is here, and I am finally ready to vomit my opinion on it over all of you.


Spoiler warning from here on out

With seven years since the last "Saw" movie, you would think that the crew had taken their time to create a non confusing story that actually makes sense, and they did... sort of. It all starts with the police chasing down criminal Edgar Munsen. The chase leads to a rooftop where Edgar draws out a remote control, stating that he has to follow the rules of the game, either he dies, or five other people risk being killed. Detective duo Halloran and Hunt eventually reach the scene, tries to shoot the remote away, but not before Edgar triggering the game somewhere else. It is now up to Halloran, Hunt, and pathologists Logan Nelson and Eleanor Bonneville to solve the mystery over the dead bodies that appear, and the seemingly strange connection to the Jigsaw killer John Kramer, who has been dead for 10 years.

I gotta say, the movie does build up to an interesting mystery to why the games have started again, and even if I did not for a second believe that Jigsaw had risen back from the dead (especially since he has been dead for the last 4 movies), it does make you wonder who is the real killer. Unfortunately, I knew this was a "Saw" movie, so that meant that there were going to be a massive twist at the end, so you spend most of the movie trying to figure out what the twist is going to be. This shift of focus is not exactly to the film's advantage, and it is fairly easy to see where it all is going to end, but I do appreciate that they tried to make this a legit mystery that does not rely on any of the previous movies, with not a single flashback in sight (except for what kind of bad stuff the victims did, but that is expected).

I also like that the characters are not just hollow shells of human beings, but that they all have personalities. Halloran is a shady cop who is probably too mad for his own good, Logan is a former soldier that just lost his wife who got murdered, Eleanor is a woman with dark undertones, and Hunt... well, we do not get to know much about him, but I do not care, because he seem like a cool dude, looks a little like a younger Bernie Mac. So the characters are far from perfect, but they are still a step up from previous installments.

We have focused on the detectives and their work, so let us shift our focus to the other part of the movie, the five people who are in the main game. It goes back to the "group" formula that was previously used in "Saw II" and "Saw V", where they have to help each other to win the game, a set up I prefer a hell of a lot more than the "lone guy tries to help a bunch of strangers" formula. All four victims (the fifth one is gone after the first test) have personalities, but none of them are anything really special that we have not seen before. I do feel like Ryan is kind of an egotistical asshole though, a little too aggressive in his erratic behaviour.

How about the traps then? That is actually another thing I really like about the movie, the traps are much more scaled back, and not so over the top as before. They are simple traps that demands simple solutions, like cutting yourself on a saw blade to free yourself, or figuring out how much money you stole from someone so you can pick the right syringe. The way that leads to some of these traps are kind of dumb though, but then again, the movie cannot be too linear, so I will allow it.

Do you even English???

What I will not allow though is pure stupidity, and yes, we got loads of it in this movie as well. Stupid victims have been an achilles for the franchise since the second movie, something that makes my blood boil every time. In this barn they are in (btw, love that they are not in some sterile old hospital or warehouse, a nice change of scenery), there is a huge door with the words "No exit" written all over it, and what do they do? Ryan tries to exit it of course, ending with him getting his leg caught in some wire trap. Fast forward a bit into the movie, and Anna does the exact same thing, despite her clearly stating time and time again that they have to follow the rules of the game. Seriously, what the hell were you thinking? Then we have Mitch who is hanging on top of this blender thing and have to reach a brake at the bottom to free himself. But that is okay, because Anna use her skills as Spiderwoman, climbing up and stopping the machine temporarily, so they both start to cheer. What the hell are you doing? Just reach that god damn brake, and free yourself instead of prematurely celebrating! Whoops, too late, the machine started again and you have been blended (Mitch dust, don't breath this). There are some other stupid moments, but I cannot mention them all here, or we would be here forever, so let me get to the end of my thoughts.

The truth is, I was kind of entertained throughout the entire movie. Yes, this is far from a cinematic masterpiece, and there are several dumb moments in here, but this is probably the most well constructed "Saw" movie since the third installment. My expectations were not that high, so it might be affecting my overall verdict on this film, but after going through all that confusing shit in the last 4 sequels, this minimized change of pace is more than welcome. The acting may still be average at best (even if Tobin Bell is great as always as Jigsaw), the whole plot is far from a mystery, and it is far from frightening, but as far as a "Saw" movie goes, it is actually not that half bad.

Rating: 6,5/10 Billy puppets

Oh, and if you wonder where I would put this movie amongst the other installments, here is a quick power ranking.

1. Saw
2. Saw III
3. Saw II
4. Jigsaw
5. Saw VI
6. Saw V
7. Saw IV
8. Saw 3D

Manic Movie Month: The Saw Franchise

It feels pretty surreal that we are in 2017, just weeks away from a new "Saw" movie, but to be perfectly honest, I am not surprised at all. It has been seven years since we last heard from John Kramer (aka Jigsaw) and all his henchmen, and since the movies has evolved into this generation's answer to "Friday The 13th" and "Nightmare On Elm Street", it was probably just a matter of time before we got another installment of good old torture porn.

It all started though in 2004, with the first movie that was a very small budget film (just over 1 million dollars) directed by James Wan, who have gone to do several more big horror movie franchises like "Insidious" and "The Conjuring". With the smallest of means, James managed to create a very interesting movie that quickly became a smash hit, bringing in over 100 million dollars in the box office, which just like any other horror movie franchises, led to way, way too many sequels, and they all were made in a rapid pace.

The "Saw" movies dominated the cinema on Halloween from 2004 to 2010, but it was also quite clear that the public was getting sick of all the gore and traps. Each subsequent movie made less and less money, with the low point being the 6th movie, making only around 68 million (still a profit by 57 million though). These movies were cheap to make, and also pretty easy to come up with its story, so it is just the dream scenario of a horror franchise. Besides the movies, we also got several horror attractions, from roller coasters to mazes, and also two very shitty video games (trust me, do not play them, you are gonna get cancer).

So yeah, "Saw" has had a good run, but does the movies still hold up, and do we honestly really want an 8th movie? Well, let us discuss, here are my takes on "Saw I-VII", and my expectations for the upcoming 8th installment entitled "Jigsaw".

Oh, and there might be spoilers here, but knowing the amount of "plot" these movies have, I think you can deal with it.

Saw

The first movie is to me not a master piece by any means, but it is still a movie that is important for the evolution of horror movies, because horror is a genre that always searches for the next big thing, a new angle to make us all scared. That is why we have cycles in horror movies, because when one movie makes it big, everyone else is trying to copy the formula. That is why slashers (like "Friday The 13th", "Nightmare On Elm Street", and "Halloween") became popular in the 80's, and why home footage videos (like "The Blair Witch Project" and "Paranormal Activity") were huge in the beginning of this millennium.

While I do not think there are tons of copies of "Saw" out there, it did create its own genre branch in the horror tree, which most of us just call "Torture Porn", where a homicidal maniac kills his victims with complicated attraptions. It sounds kind of goofy, and to some part, "Saw" is just that, but I think James Wan does a great job in creating a horror villain in John Kramer (played by the excellent Tobin Bell) that has a lot of depth in him, which automatically gives the movie more depth. He believes that the world needs cleansing, and to get rid of the scum of the world, he sets them in life or death situation that they would never get in to in their everyday lives, trying to get out one of humanity's most primal instinct, the urge to survive by any means necessary.

I also love the fact that most of the main plot of the movie is focused in one room, with two guys (and a dead body) chained to each side of it. We get to follow their struggles, trying to asset the situation they have gotten themselves into, and ultimately figuring out how to escape. The movies takes its sweet time, never rushing past any details, and while some things are kind of far fetched, I think most parts of the movie feels believable. We also get to follow two police officer's race against the clock to catch the Jigsaw killer, and those parts are pretty good too, but it is kind of distracting that one of them are Danny Glover, also known as Roger Murtaugh in the "Lethal Weapon" movies. Apparently, he is still on duty, despite saying "I am too old for this shit" 23 years before this movie's release.

"Now THAT is a lethal weapon"

And let us also not forget the fantastic plot twist, which definitely is gonna turn some heads around. Obviously, I am not gonna spoil that, but it is a pretty satisfying ending that caps off a very good horror movie that deserves its stamp as a modern classic. You just have to be impressed by what these guys were able to make with the limited supply they had, and that they got success from it. If you haven't checked it out already, give it a shot.

Rating: 8,5/10

Saw II

So just one year after the release of the original movie, we get a rushed sequel that had a bigger budget, and bigger expectations. Now that most horror fans knew of the franchise, they went in for more juicy traps.

The second movie is a lot different from the first one, but it still focuses on the same things, how people react to these horrifying situations and how they try to solve the problems they are facing. The biggest difference is that we get to see it from two points of views, with the group of people being trapped of course, but also from the perspective of both Jigsaw and Eric Matthews, whom got a message from Jigsaw that was left from one of his previous victims. Turns out he is the next victim to be put to test, watching his son together with a lit of criminals in a house filled with traps.

I have to admit that I like the set up, and just like in the first movie, it pays off in the end, but instead of getting one room with two people, we get a full house with 8 different characters. It does give us some new dynamics to the movie, but I felt that the intimacy and small scale was the very strength of the first movie, so why take that away and replace it with more characters that are not as fleshed out. Actually, most of these guys are actually out right stupid.

Speaking of stupid, the plan that Jigsaw has for this particular game is incredibly reliant on a ton of factors, and if even one of them goes wrong, then the kid died for nothing. I am sorry, I just cannot believe that Jigsaw has taken everything into consideration, and that he knew exactly what would happen. He may be a psychological mastermind, but he is not Nostradamus, he cannot predict everything.

So yeah, the second movie has flaws, and some of the acting is just silly, but there are some good things in here, and once again, I like the core idea of this story. I have no problem going through this one, especially knowing what came after it...

Rating: 6,5/10

Saw III

This is the movie that James Wan should have said "Alright, we are done here, no more "Saw" movies from here on out", and it certainly looked like they intended it to be the very last in the series.

It all focuses on the mortality of Jigsaw, and how his legacy should continue on. While facing death through cancer, Jigsaw takes on the mentor role for Amanda (played by Shawnee Smith, who is most famous for various sitcoms), one of his previous victims who survived. But while Jigsaw does this to save man and give them a chance to atone for their sins, Amanda has a more cynical sight of things, seeing it as a mean to eliminate evil, without any chance of redemption (in other words, straight up murder).

It all leads to a main story where a man named Jeff Denlon goes through a series of test to let go of his vengeance for the murderer of his son, while in the mean time his wife is tasked with keeping Jigsaw alive. This sort of set up is the most common one from here on out, and I just gotta say that I hate it. I kind of get what they are trying to go for, following one main character's path to salvation, but all of the tests he is going through directly affects whether other people survive or not, the victim's victims have no control at all. And like that was not enough, there is no real consequences of letting these side characters die from the traps, which simply does not make sense.

Despite the dumb set up, I do kind of like this movie more than the second one. It has a lot more emotional depth to it, and the relationship between Amanda and Jigsaw is really interesting to follow, as is also seeing both of their point of views on these tests. It does make for a movie that is split in two, going back and forth all the time, which is not the smoothest ride to say the least, but the acting is not half bad, and we do get some memorable moments here and there. Not a brilliant movie by any means, but it is a fitting ending to the trilogy. Unfortunately, it was not the end of the series...

Rating: 7/10

Saw IV

From here on out, the movies just takes a big tumble, becoming a shallow, confusing, flashback filled gore fest that is doing its all to make the Halloween deadline each year. Just the fact that Jigsaw is physically dead is a clear sign that these movies had no chance to get any positive recognition, and it really does not help that the man who replaces him, detective Mark Hoffman (Costas Mandylor), has the charisma of a brick. Seriously, I never really saw John Kramer as an amazing horror villain, but you did understand his motives and thoughts. Hoffman is just as grey as there is, he is simply awful.

This is MY franchise now

And the story for the fourth movie is not too good either, that focuses on another detective that goes through the same procedure as the main victim in the last movie, trying to save people from their personal traps while also continuing his investigation. That is probably the best I can describe this movie, because it is confusing as hell, leading to yet another ending twist, only this time it is pretty predictable and dull.

This is ultimately a very forgettable movie, probably the one I remember the least from watching the whole series about three years ago. The characters are bland, the story is dumb, and it has very little original content when compared to the previous three installments. The only positive thing I can say about it is that it has some memorable traps, like the first one where two people are chained in the middle of a room, one with its eyes sewn shut, and the other its mouth done the same. It is a creepy scene that does not really have anything to do with the plot, other than just showing off an innovative trap. Its maybe for the best...

Yeah, I have nothing more to write about this one, move along.

Rating: 4,5/10

Saw V

The fifth movie is... kind of an odd one in the series, because it seems like the traps are put in as a side plot, while  the main story is Hoffman playing cat and mouse with other detectives who are on to him. I cannot remember the last time I actually wanted the main man to be captured, even killed, but spoiler alert, Hoffman survives. Just my luck.

It is kind of a shame, because I really like the thing they were going for with this movie's victims. Five people are captured and are asked to "do the opposite of your instincts". They are all faced with a new challenge with every room they enter, and while each trap is not very unique in any kind of way, it all leads up to a very good ending that might not be too hard to figure out, but is still impressive nonetheless.

It sucks though that the other half of the movie is fairly uninteresting, and while the ending is not too shabby, the lead up to it is just not good enough. Once again, Hoffman is just a bore, and all of the new information that comes to the viewer only helps enhancing the confusion. I know that I sound like a psychopath, but get back to the god damn killings already, I do not care about this disgrace of a successor.

So yeah, there is really only one grade that I feel is fitting for this incredibly torn apart movie.

Rating: 5/10

Saw VI

Despite being just another bad movie in this series, I have to say that the sixth movie is quite memorable, and for several reasons actually.

One of those reasons is an old MTV show called "Scream Queens", a reality show where a bunch of aspiring actresses competed in various challenges to win a role in this movie. It is just like any other reality show on the market, but I do have to admit that it was kind of fun to follow, seeing the girls getting scared to death in every episode, and act in various different horror scenarios. And while the winner, Tanedra Howard, did not get the biggest role in the movie, she still had a good impact in the movie, and she did star in what I consider to be one of the most memorable traps in the series. She did a good job, which ultimately gave her a spot in the seventh movie too.

I also believe this is the only movie that captured the "one guy trying to save several other victims" set up actually works fairly well, with an insurance executive named William Easton is going through all these traps making tough choices, affecting all of his co-workers. Close to all of the traps are also very cool and inventive, making it the strongest trap line up in the series. The carousel trap is probably the most iconic trap of the series (besides the reverse bear trap, which is seen in almost every movie).

But the most memorable part of this movie is the ending, where the wife and son to a man that he denied insurance coverage gets to chose whether William lives or dies. I am not gonna spoil this one, but believe me when I say that your reaction will either be WTF or LMAO. Mine was LMAO, with a little bit of ROF on the side.

Still, this is a movie that continues the confusing story line that the previous two movies have gone through, and it is just tiring to watch, and to talk about, so let us just get over with the rating, and go to the last on of the now existing movies.

Rating: 6/10

Saw 3D

So it all came to this, and I just have to say that I was utterly disappointed with this movie, and I had extremely low expectations to begin with.

Let's start with the positive, the opening trap, a glass box out in the public where two men are strapped to a table and a woman to a ceiling, is a good start, and had a satisfying conclusion (that bitch had it coming!). I also like the ending, which did tie up most threads, all the way to the very first movie. What more... The 3D angle is kind of neat? Oh, and Chester Bennington is playing a nazi, that is... something.

He tried so hard, and got so far...

Okay, to the bad parts, and trust me, there are a lot of it.

First off, the main victim, Bobby Dagen, is a jerk, it is a guy that I just cannot root for. He writes a book of how he overcame a Jigsaw trap, making easy money off of it, there is no question that dick deserved to be tested thoroughly. But as bad as he is, he looks like Jesus compared to what I consider to be one of the dumbest movie characters ever. The first person he has to save has a fish hook and line going through her esophagus, which he has to fish up. All she has to do is to stay still and quiet, and she just can't do that. She had one fucking job, and she could not do it! I think Bobby said it best after she died, "WHY WOULDN'T YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP? YOU JUST NEEDED TO SHUT UP!"

Then we have the traps, that are extremely bland and forgettable, and are also going by that old, tired trope "Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil". You know, the thing with the three monkeys covering ears, eyes, and mouth. Especially the "see no evil" is dumb as hell, and it shows just how rushed the movie is. It tries to play in real time, giving the victim a minute to go through the peril, but that whole scene is obviously longer than a minute. God, I freaking hate that scene.

There are even more wrong things with this movie, including the acting, the pacing, and just the dumb story itself. All of this makes "Saw 3D" the clear cut worst movie of the series, and that is saying something. This series has had a lot of ups and downs, but as soon as they started churning out these movies to come out every Halloween, it was pretty clear that the story would be more washed out for every movie. Did it tie up everything in the end? Not really, and frankly, I do not really care, this is just an awful movie that should not have been conceived. Thank god they stopped temporarily after this one.

Rating: 3,5/10

My expectations of Jigsaw

Seven years have gone since the last movie, so I am hoping to god that we at the very least get a decent story, one that the writers have had long discussions about how to improve it further. I am not asking for much, I just want characters that are not shallow shells of human beings, a story that makes sense, and acting that feels somewhat believable. The traps have to be inventive as well, but I am sure they have had time to figure those out (those sick fucks).

After all, this is a horror franchise, so one should not go into a cinema expecting a new "Godfather" or anything like that. As long as it is disturbing and kind of gross, I think it can build some momentum to make others go watch it. After all, it is Halloween, and I do not think there are any other movie that could stand a chance against this juggernaut of a franchise. The followers are still there, and this movie will make buck, I guarantee it.

So, am I going to watch it? I am undecided for now, because while I am intrigued by the whole concept of "Saw" and have seen each of the movies, I only go to the cinema when I think the movie is gonna be a slam dunk, a must watch film. That is why I saw "It", because I knew it would make the original Stephen King book justice. I also saw the new Spiderman movie earlier this year because I loved Spiderman on "Civil War", and I knew it would be a fun superhero movie. With "Jigsaw", I kind of know what I am gonna get, but I do not know what quality it will have. I will watch it eventually, but I can wait.

Ultimately, I just hope that they do not make another 6 movies after this one, and that we do not have to dig up the old tag line "If it's Halloween, it must be Saw".

Stay metal!
Robert "Sharkruisher" Andersson

Manic Movie Month: Night of The Living Dead (1968)

So yesterday was Friday the 13th, which does not happen all too regularly during the month of October, so it felt natural to me to lay down in my sofa, and put on a horror movie, can you guys guess which movie I watched? NO, not that one! I am not THAT predictable. No, instead, I searched my streaming platforms for some really old classics, and found myself choosing between two movies, "Night of The Living Dead" and "The Ape". While I was tempted to go with one of Boris Karloff's most infamous movies, the humble IMDB rating of 4,5 made me rethink my decision, so I went with the recently deceased legend George A. Romero and his breakthrough film.

Normally, I would put a spoiler warning here, but this movie is close to 50 years old, so just go ahead and read this would ya?

Released in 1968, "Night of The Living Dead" might be one of the first zombie movies ever, at least the first that gets some kind of grand recognition. This was released before we got the film rating system we have today, so even smaller kids could go and watch this movie, which definitely led to a lot of emotionally scared people that did not know how to comprehend the gore and terror this movie showed. So back then, it was a horrifying movie that sent a lot of people screaming for their lives, or simply enter fetal position thanks to the sheer fear they experienced. Pretty hard to imagine that it could happen after watching this movie.

It is pretty hard to judge this movie today though, because technology and film making has come a long, long way since the late sixties. We do not get any CGI or any crazy special effects here, nor any crazy stunts. Hell, we do not even get color. This movie is all about the story and those who make it up, trying to show how they cope with the situation and how they try to solve it, something very few movies today do.

So it all starts with our female lead Barbra (Judith O'Dea) and her brother Johnny (Russell Streiner) visiting their dead father in a cemetery, laying down flowers and all. And after some small chit chat and typical sibling provoking, a man shows up and starts attacking Johnny. Well that went fast, 5 minutes into the movie and we are already dealing with zombies, without any exposition or real character development. That is definitely something movies are not doing today.

Anyway, Barbra escapes and takes shelter in an abandoned farmhouse, where eventually Ben (Duane Jones) arrives and help barricading the place from the undead attack. They are not alone in the house though, because in the basement are another 5 people hiding out, a young couple and a man and wife together with their sick child. They all do not get along very well though, because Ben and Harry (Karl Hardman) are both trying to take the leader role, which leads to a hot dispute on what is the best strategy, staying on the main floor and be ready to counter attack, or cower behind in the basement without any possible escape route. This argument continues on throughout the movie, while the horde of slow walking zombies keep increasing in numbers.

Just a bunch of colorful characters, don't you think?

So while this movie does not really intimidate me all too much with its imagery and so (most of the zombies just look like normal people), it does build some good tension with the atmosphere, never letting the screen go too bright and always keep a sense of dread near our main characters, making the audience concerned for their well being. Romero does have a keen sense of knowing what the mood should be throughout the movie, and when it should shift, which is really effective.

I also like that the story is pretty much straight forward, never really steering off too much. It is just a group of people trying to survive a hellish night, not much else. We do get to see some footage of the zombie horde from time to time, and we also get some information from the tv broadcasting, but that is it, it is a tight and clean story that simply works. Although, I do think there are some weird points in how the zombies came to be. The explanation the movie gives us is that a satellite that orbited around Venus came back crashing down to Earth, releasing tons of dangerous radiation that made the dead come back to life. Kind of goofy, but then again, it worked back in the days.

Another thing I do not really like about this film is that we do not really get to know our characters all too much. With all the bickering and screaming going on, we do not get too much normal conversation between our characters. Hell, I forgot most of these guy's names, and there are only 7 of them. I know I said this was a simple story, but give me somebody that I can care about, so that when they die, I get upset. The only thing I really know about the young guy Tom (Keith Wayne) is that he is a clumsy dumbass who burned down the only vehicle available, killing him and his girlfriend (Judith Ridley) in the process. You deserved that death young man.

Then we have the ending, which I honestly do not know how to feel about. It got some good twists and turns, like the sick child (Kyra Schon) turning into a zombie, killing her mother (Marilyn Eastman) and father in the process (and feasting on their flesh of course). But at the very end, when Ben has lived through the night, I probably got the shock of a life time. We see rescuers go out on the fields, killing of any remaining zombies, coming up to this farmhouse where Ben has crawled out of the basement, sees him, and shoots him right between the eyes, dropping the alive count of our main characters to zero. And here I thought this was the first horror movie where a black guy survives and no one else does. It is a very confusing and grim ending, that I certainly did not see coming.

Ultimately, I can see why this movie has become a cult classic. While not very scary at all, it still fills you with a lot of uneasy feelings that makes it more tense. Romero does a great job with limited resources to create a great atmosphere, and you can just see that there is a lot of passion behind it all. Has it aged well? Not in every aspect obviously, but I still think it holds up fairly well close to 50 years after its release, which is a testament that the movie has some quality to it (and the fact that it has spawned several sequels and remakes over the years). With some more meat on the bones, it could have been a true feast for a flesh hungry zombie.

Rating: 7,5/10 Slow as hell zombies

It, triple review

We are starting Manic Movie Month slightly early this year, because for once, we got a long awaited horror movie that was released in September, a very weird time to release it. It might have been a genius move though, because the movie "It" has been a huge hit in cinemas all around the world, drawing in tons of money and becoming the second best selling "R" rated movie to this date (right after "Deadpool"). It is pretty impressive since there were quite some expectations from the start since it is based by the Stephen King book with the same name, one of his most well known horror stories. Is it as good as everybody says? Well let us check it out... later. First though, we are gonna look into the two properties of this story that already existed, the book and the mini series from 1990.

Note: Expect spoilers in these reviews, so if you have not read or seen these medias yet, do it now (unless you are like me and do not care for spoilers, then feel free to carry on).

The book

Now, this might be the least descriptive review of the three since it was a while ago I read it, and no, I am not going to read it again just for the sake of this review. Not that I think the book sucks (it doesn't), but it is literally a brick in paper form, spanning over a thousand pages, and knowing that I am a really slow reader, there is no way I am going to read it out before the end of 2017. I still remember enough from it to give it a fair judgment, so here goes nothing I guess.

The book version of "It" can be split into two parts. The first half is going back and forth in time, taking good time and care in introducing us to the town that is Derry and its characters. In the past, we get to know our main characters when they were kids, living their own little lives together with their own little problems, eventually running into our main  villain of the story, Pennywise the dancing clown, and also each other. Each member of the so called Losers Club has a nice and memorable personality that feels believable. We have the jokester, the leader, the scaredy cat, and that asthma kid, it is easy to remember these guys (and girl), which I am thankful for. Because of the skipping in time periods, it can become quite difficult to follow along from time to time, so having strong characters with strong back stories are a must.

The second part takes place in present day, where all of our characters (minus one) finally meet up again in Derry, fulfilling the promise they once took. Now, the present day Losers Club is maybe not as strong in individual character as their child counterparts, but I think that was intended, because that eventually changes when they finally meet again after 27 years. It is like they become 12 years old again, and that nothing has changed after all those years. Just nice.

With over a thousand pages, you can be sure that there is a lot of detail in this book, and fortunately, this is one of its main strengths. Mr. King packs it in with tons of details, making it very easy to visualize every happening, especially the parts where the kids first encounter Pennywise and get to face their deepest fears, everything from werewolves to lepers. And I got to admit, some of these moments are creepy as hell, making my skin crawl and my hair rise. This is exactly why I absolutely love Stephen King, he just knows how to write a juicy story with tons of emotion.

So even if "It" is gonna give some people a good work out by only holding it up, and that it can be tricky to navigate in time and space, it is still an exciting read that should make the hours fly away pretty quickly. It is easy to see why this has become one of King's most well known stories, it takes its time to build up the world and its characters, while never really letting you rest, keeping the suspense high. It is just like King said himself, "Only the last thousand pages of the book are thrilling".

Rating: 9/10

The mini-series

Made in 1990, the "It" mini-series follows the original material pretty closely, both in structure and in story. Just like the book, the mini-series is split into two parts (each having a length of one and a half hour), with the first following our heroes in their youths while also introducing them as adults, and the second part is only them as adults, trying to take down Pennywise once and for all. Why really mess up a winning concept, it worked fairly well in the book, and it certainly works here too.

And just like in the book, the characters are just as memorable as you would have hoped, with each kid just delivering a very solid performance that just feels right for the time it is set in (the 1960's). Hell, even a really cliched character like the bully Henry Bowers feels right, with his stupid hair that is stolen from The Fonz and that rockabilly attitude. The adults feels more solid too, still being outshined to the kids, but still feeling interesting.

But then we get to one of the main problems with this mini-series, the performances. While the kids are doing a great job, the adults seems to not really take this seriously at all, with some phoning in their lines, while others are just going bonkers. The latter is perfectly exemplified with the performance of Tim Curry as Pennywise, which is an incredibly iconic performance, but it is just fucking wacky. Tim is having the time of his life, acting like a fun clown on meth that seems to be everywhere and nowhere, and he completely outshines everybody, forcing you to remember him.

However, while that performance is pretty amazing for what it is, it is not even a bit scary. Sure, clowns by themselves are frightening, but the fun factor is taking over way too much, so the build up to the scare is never really there. I would say the only scary scenes with Pennywise is when he shows his razor sharp teeth, and that is it. It might be a generation thing, but I honestly cannot see why people got scared by this back in the days, it is just goofy.

waHA waHA waHA waHA waHA

Also, believe me when I say that the effects does not help out either, in fact, they make it even worse. Technology has obviously come a long way since the 90's, but not even the practical effects are any good, not adding to the experience. It all reaches a culmination point in the ending where the Losers Club is ready to take down Pennywise, and he turns into the fakest spider I have ever seen (and I have seen this). Seriously, I can be pretty afraid of spiders if they are big enough, but I just laugh at this one for how incredibly stupid it looks, and that is the grand finale that we have waited for? What a fucking let down.

So no, "It" the mini-series is not good, it is not even close to what Stephen King was going for, even if it stayed very true to the source material (unfortunately, this one is not alone on taking a King story to the television/movie screens). I got to say though, while it has its dull moments, and is not the least bit scary, it is still pretty entertaining. Some performances are just brilliantly bad, and some of the writing is actually kind of fun and cool. The first part is clearly the superior one, but the second one has a couple of moments too, so if you are a fan of the book, it might be worthy of a look, at least just to see Tim Curry just messing with everybody, actors, directors, and audience alike.

Rating: 6/10

The movie

So finally we have reached the movie, and I think it goes without saying that it is way scarier than the mini-series ever could be. But before I get more into that, I have to first state that the movie is taking way more liberties, and that is a good thing. First, the past section is set in the late 80's, so that the upcoming second chapter can really be set in present day. That in itself gives us some changes to both the world and the story, and they are all great, like Henry is more of a young thrash punk than a stupid rockabilly kid. Second, in this movie, we are fully focusing on when they were children, not skipping back and forth all over the place, which I think is a fantastic decision so that the second chapter can almost be like a fresh start of sorts instead of a straight up follow up.

While the characters are not too different from in the book, they do still feel like they are from that era, they feel real and honest, and most importantly, they feel like kids. They swear a lot, they say what comes to mind, and they rarely goes into that stupid cliched territory that most movie kids are slotted into. I definitely love the fact that there is so much comedy in this movie, almost showing that it is a way for the kids to deal with all that's going on.

And yes, the kids themselves are fantastic, they really feel like a club together, going through this with each other. Each kid actor is amazing, but I gotta hand the MVP to the "Stranger Things" actor Jaeden Lieberher, who really feels like a stuttering kids. These six kids (I would say seven, but we do not get a lot of Mike Hanlon in this movie) are running the show completely, even when the clown is trying to steal the spotlight.

Oh yeah, we have to talk about Pennywise, which is played by one of the million Skarsgårds, Bill. This Pennywise is most certainly frightening from the get go, with that creepy smile and close to morbid make up, but add tons of teeth and some insane transformations, and he becomes borderline insane. Bill is just like Tim having the time of his life, soaking in every minute of screen time he gets, and even though his performance is pretty strange, even out right bonkers, it still hits a home run without going too goofy (although, some of the epilepsy runs he does are pretty silly). It is a very memorable effort by Bill, and he not only match Tim Curry, but he out classes him.

It also helps that the surroundings are pretty creepy as well, with a sense that the whole town is either cursed or just mad. Each of the loser kid's parents are fucked up, from being abusive to over protective, it definitely makes me happy that I never got parents like them. Add the monsters into this movie, and it all turns even darker. Some of these designs are fantastic, like the headless Easter egg hunter and his unnatural movement, or the distorted face of the flute lady, or the vomit inducing gross imagery that is the leper. It all helps making this movie tense, keeping you alert throughout its run time, with the highlight, for me at least, being the projector scene, which is some of the scariest stuff I have seen in a while. Without spoiling too much, I can only say that it might be worth it to see the 3D version for that scene alone. Wait, does this movie even have 3D?

*goes to check IMDB*

Aww, that is the first time I am sad that a movie does not have 3D.

So the most common complaint I have seen from different sources is that the movie is too long and that it has multiple endings, and while I cannot really say against those statements, I am not too bothered by them. Sure, some scenes could have been shorten, and the movie would have benefited from being under 2 hours instead of over, but I think the movie earned every minute, creating a unique take to the classic story that feels fresh and interesting. With that said, I do think the first "ending" was pretty unnecessary, and if that really was the ending, I think I would have been extremely pissed. Fortunately, that was not the case, and the real ending is much better, and also stays true to the source material.

So all in all, this movie is simply fantastic, most certainly one of the best movies released this year. It is exciting, the acting is memorable, the effects are really cool, and most impressive of all, it makes necessary changes to the original story. You can tell that those behind this movie really respected the book and tried their best to make it as strong as possible, and even if it is a bit too long, it still holds up all the way through. I cannot wait for the second chapter, I wanna see all of these kids grown up, fighting Pennywise once more, hopefully without a laughably fake spider as the grand crescendo.

Rating: 8,5/10

So we have now officially begun the MMM of 2017, expect more movie reviews in the next 30 days.

Stay metal!
Robert "Sharkruisher" Andersson

Manic Movie Month: Cube Zero

With the third and last movie of the "Cube" franchise, it was pretty obvious that we needed a lot of closure. I mean, there is only so far that you can go with the same basic plot line over and over again (well, unless you are the "Final Destination" movies). So when "Cube Zero" was announced as a prequel, it was pretty much a relief. We would get the answers that we never got from the first movie, and none of the tesseract bullshit from "Cube 2". So yeah, there were some hope for this movie after all.

As previously stated, "Cube Zero" is a prequel, but not only that, we get to see the events of the cube from a different perspective, the perspective of watchers Wynn (Zachary Bennett) and Dodd (David Huband). Both are almost like prisoners in their jobs, forced to monitor the test subjects that supposedly signed a consent form to be in there instead of getting the death penalty. When being asked by the higher ups to monitor one Cassandra Rains Stephanie Moore), Wynn gets her file only to discover that she has no consent form at all. He grows more and more suspicious of everything, and then almost loses it when he sees someone reaching the exit, a former colleague called Owen (Tony Munch). He gets incinerated for not believing in God, and in that moment, Wynn simply decides to enter the cube himself to rescue Cassandra from her fate.

Warning, spoilers ahead, read at your own risk.

So the plot is most certainly different from the previous two movies, even if it still have some similar elements to it. We still get to follow one group of people trying to survive the cube and its traps, but the perspective changes from time to time, from inside to outside. It is interesting to see Wynn and Dodd, how they deal with this situation. Sure, their characters are kind of cliche, one having tons of guilt and one trying to stay loyal to the company because he has no real choice, but they work, so I cannot really complain.

As for the people within the cube, we do not get too much information about them (except for Cassandra Rains of course), and that is fine by me, because I know from the start that Cassandra will be the only one who will survive. It is all about the journey in this movie, and how the persons in the cube try to survive. One thing I must praise the movie is that it is actually explaining how they are thinking on ways to escape, that the letters are basically coordinates. It is a thing they failed miserably in the last movie, and that alone makes "Cube Zero" much more enjoyable, even if it is more simple math involved here.

As for the traps, they are not all too original. Sure, some of them are gruesome and truly effective, but most of them are borrowed from the first movie, or just slightly altered. One good example of this is the opening scene, which we follow a man named Ryjkin. He enters one room, and gets sprayed all over his body. At first, it just seems like water, but eventually his flesh starts to melt, hinting that the liquid was acid. Sounds familiar? One of the characters in the first movie was also sprayed with acid, only it was only on the face and the results were more immediate. Still, that scene itself is actually really cool and creepy, making my skin itch when he scratch away his flesh to his bare bones. It is one of few moments were the movie uses gore, and it does it well those other few times as well.

Hey! Stop slacking, get back to work!

Besides from the changed perspective, this movie is basically the original, with few minor tweaks here and there. It is very minimal in its approach, and it tries to build the suspense as well as possible, and while it does a fine job, I am kind of disappointed that they did not try to expand it even further. Sure, the fact that we see the reactions of the observers is cool, but the cube itself has not changed one bit (except that the rooms have letters, instead of numbers). I would have liked to see something new to the cube, nothing too crazy, just something to spice things up.

Which leads me to the acting, and the overall dialogue. It is not the most inspired writing I have come across, and it kind of shows in the acting, especially inside the cube. As previously stated, we do not get to know too much about the characters, which makes it kind of hard to feel sympathy for them. It is not like the last movie, where I really wanted to see them all die, but I do not see any reason to care for these people's well being, except for Cassandra just so that she can be reunited with here daughter. And that is ultimately the biggest problem with the movie, that this is basically about two people, Cassandra Rains and Eric Wynn, the rest are just filler... except for one particular character...

Ending

So after Eric enters the Cube, the higher ups sends someone to make the problem disappear. Enter Jax, one of the cube's supervisors, and a real life version of the Yu-Gi-Oh character Maximillian Pegasus, but instead of getting a sarcastic toon lover who created the world's biggest card game, we get a creepy psychopath who takes any means necessary to get things done. Jax makes this movie that more awesome, and the actor (Michael Riley) does a great job in selling the character, creating the most memorable character from all three movies. Jax and his two henchmen, Finn and Quigley, instantly takes control of the command center, and Dodd can just sit there, and worry about what will happen to his colleague.

Eventually, they find Wynn, who in his turn has found Cassandra and Haskell, a former Izon henchmen that got sentenced to the cube too. However, they does not get much further, since Jax sets the traps to surround them, and just as he is about to go for the kill, the power shuts down, and the cube goes into reset mode, which means that our protagonists have 10 minutes to find the exit, or else they will get obliterated by the cube's "clean sweep".

After killing off Dodd (who caused the power shortage), Jax gets the idea of activating the chip inside of Haskell's brain, turning him into a mindless super soldier for them. This is without any doubt the most ridiculous part of the movie, where we see Haskell jump a full room length, from one floor to the one above it. I do not care if that chip changes your nerve system and shit, it cannot give you ultra human strength and agility, and if it really did give him that, he still dies like a bitch, being outsmarted by Wynn and Rains, who finds the exit and escapes just as the clean sweep starts.

We then find Wynn and Rains outside in some wood landscape, where they cannot rest, because Izon is right behind them, and eventually catches up to Wynn, but Rains escapes and gets reunited with her daughter. Unfortunately for Wynn, he gets captured, gets some serious comments from Jax, and then goes under the knife, where he basically is being lobotomized. This is where we reach the true ending, but also the start of the first movie. It turns out that Wynn is basically Kazan, the dude that escaped in the original. You know, the mentally handicapped one. And while the scene itself have different actors, the dialogue and actions are the same as in the first movie, which is really cool, and answers some questions, like how Kazan basically knew the way out and how the traps worked. A very satisfying end, despite some questions being unanswered.

Summary

As a prequel, "Cube Zero" does its job. It gives us another perspective on things and it answers some of the questions that the previous two movies never could. And while in my opinion it cannot really match the unique nature of the original, it still manages to create an enjoyable experience that you most likely want to stick around until the very end, even if some parts of the ending are kind of predictable. So yeah, not as good as the original, but a hell of a lot better than the tesseract bullshit.

Rating: 6,5/10

Manic Movie Month: Cube 2: Hypercube (2002)

Even if "Cube" never became a big hit in the box office, the good reviews and overall appreciation was enough to eventually make a sequel. It ultimately took 5 years for that sequel to happen, but did so with very different personnel and budget. "Cube 2: Hypercube" was distributed by Lionsgate (the same company that would later distribute the "Saw" movies), and directed by Andrzej Sekula, which meant that the writing was not done by anyone who had something to do with the original. Horror sequels in a nutshell, am I right?

Anyway, "Cube 2: Hypercube" may share the same name with its predecessor, but it is a different movie. The plot is still the same, a bunch of strangers trapped together in a massive contraption that consists of endless cube rooms, all trying to get out. This time however, they are not trapped in just a simple cube, but in a Tesseract (in other words, a four dimensional cube). This forces the victims to also factor in the time aspect, because it makes it all that more complicated. It will certainly not be easy to get out this time, even if there are no rooms that are filled with deadly traps.

Spoilers from this point on, read at your own risk

So, the basic plot is more or less the same as the original, which fine, but they had to freshen it up a bit, and while they did that, it just tears everything apart. "Cube" was a great movie because it was simplistic, it did not over do things, just made everything as minimalistic as possible. "Cube 2" tries to achieve more, and it just ends up being weird and dumb. We got parallel universes, teleportation, gravity shifts, and no real laws of physics what so ever here, and it is so hard to keep it up as a viewer because it is just explained haphazardly. Why is this possible? No one obviously knows, because it is never fully explained.

Another thing that makes me confused are the characters in this movie. The first movie had some decent characters, and although we did not get to know them all too much, they did serve their purpose. However, in "Cube 2", we have a bunch of idiots. We got seven main characters. Kate Filmore (Kari Matchett) who are the most reasonable one in my opinion (even though she makes some dumb decisions throughout the movies that should have gotten her killed), Simon Grady (Geraint Wyn Davies) who is a private detective who acts like a serial killer from the get go (nice foreshadowing!), Sasha (Grace Lynn Kung) who is blind, giving her an obvious disadvantage, Max Reisler (Matthew Ferguson) who is a game developer, Jerry Whitehall (Neil Crone) who is an engineer and a typical corny white male American, Julia (Lindsey Connell) who is a lawyer (although she looks and acts like something more glamorous), and Mrs. Paley (Barbara Gordon), a senior who seems to suffer from some sort of mental disease, probably Alzheimer. This is just a group that makes you wish that they all end up dead, because they are annoying, have no growth in the movie what so ever, and their dialogue between each other is as useless as talking to a wall. No sympathy here at all for anyone.

And just like the last movie, everything is going to be solved through math, with Jerry as the genius in the group. However, this is the point where I am certain that the writers tried to bite off more than they could chew, because nothing, literally nothing here is explained on how to get out. We get some explanation how this tesseract could even be possible, but it is far from enough. Throughout the movie, we get to see the numbers 60659, which was written by some other dude (who is dead), and nothing is explained to how he got to that number. Man, it is like going through college again, and it is painful.

As for the suspense, there is close to none. There are a couple of times in the movie when the group is in real danger, but once again, nothing is explained on why these dangerous things are happening. They are not traps like the last movie, so what the fuck are they? There is especially one point in the movie that fucks my mind up so badly, it is when the group encounter a seemingly harmless floating thing. Jerry touches it, and it starts multiplying, growing larger and deadlier by the second. While it does look cool, it is still stupid as hell, and it also looks fake as shit, and when Kate is trying to save Sasha, who is cowering in the corner, all I am screaming is "KILL THEM ALREADY!!!", but nope, it apparently acts upon movements, and by pure luck, they are saved. Jesus Christ, the coolest moment of the movie is ruined by stupidity.

The worst part of the movie still though is the character progression, because the few progressions that are there happens so suddenly that it is just ridiculous. You will be baffled when you see that Julia just out of nowhere not only kiss Max, but fully makes out and have hot passionate zero gravity sex with him, a act that seems to go until the becoming one fused rotting carcass. It is an image I cannot get out of my head, because it makes no fucking sense what so ever. The rest of the characters have either no progression what so ever, or have progressions that are extremely boring and predictable. Oh god, I can't keep this up anymore, get to the ending already...

Ending

So, eventually the group find out that everyone have connections with this corporation called IZON, the ones that made this hypercube in the first place. While that is nice and all, it still does not make up for all the bullshit characters, including Sasha's big reveal that she goes under the pseudonym Alex Trusk, a computer hacker that found out the secrets of IZON and made an escape to the only place they would not dare to go, the tesseract. Why did she wait to give them all this information? Well, it does not matter, because Simon is on a rampage, killing three different Jerry's and several  more Becky Young's (the girl he had been searching for before getting in the tesseract), and apparently eating them (!?). He is officially more fucked up than Quinten, but he is as stupid too, getting killed eventually by Kate.

So Kate is the only one left alive, and realizing that the tesseract is collapsing, repeating itself over and over again, she ultimately find out what the deceased Dr. Phil Rosenzweig had been trying to solve, the time when the tesseracts implodes, at 6:06:59. Once again, no explanation on why it implodes on that time or how he got the the conclusion. Pure confusion.

Kate ultimately takes Sasha's necklace, jumps through the portal, and wakes up in an old airport hangar, in a cgi pool, where she gets carried to some high end guys, asking if she got the job done. She did, because the necklace contained secret information of IZON, and since the job is done, Kate gets shot in the head, and the corporate guys tells the big boss that phase 2 is complete. I ultimately got my wish, all main characters are dead, but I still feel like shit. What a crappy ending, and it is obvious that it hinted on a third movie (which eventually happened, only it was a prequel). Unlike the last movie, there is no bliss here, only relief that it is finally over.

Summary

Everything that was done right in "Cube", "Cube 2" more or less fucked up. This is a movie that tried so hard, and got so far, but it did not matter in the end, because it was badly made from the start. There is no suspense, the plot has tons of holes in it, the acting is average at best, and the characters are complete idiots. I guess some small parts are kind of okay, and that the ending was unsuspected, but it does not help to ease my pain at all, it just stinks bullshit from a mile away. "Cube 2: Hypercube" is an awful movie, do not watch it, because it just does not make any sense at all. Math, not even once... or twice in this matter.

Rating: 2,5/10

Manic Movie Month: Cube (1997)

Welcome to manic movie month, a incredibly original idea where besides from reviewing the current metal records, I am reviewing some horror movies, and every year, I am gonna review one horror franchise, from first to last movie. Now, this project starts off late because of the incredible work load of reviews I have done (I can only blame myself for burying me with all these reviews), so why not start this off with a horror franchise that is not a bazillion movies long, a franchise that I think is quite forgotten.

"Cube" is what I consider to be the predecessor to one of the most successful horror franchises of modern time, "Saw". Just like "Saw", "Cube" revolves around traps, and people trying to escape them, while also finding out why they got here in the first place. It is a small budget film directed by Vincenzo Natali, and while it did not make too much from the box office, it did get a cult following and also ended up winning 13 different awards, and an additional 7 nominations, in several film festivals around the globe.

The movie starts with a man waking up in a cubic shaped room, confused and not knowing how he got there. The room also contains 6 doors (one for each side), and after some hesitation, he walks through one to another similar room, only to get killed by a trap. So he is dead, but the rest of the movie revolves around 6 characters with different backgrounds. We got a cop, a doctor, an office worker, a student, a prisoner (whom have escaped several prisons), and a mentally challenged patient. It is an interesting group we got here, and they do not feel like your regular "horror victim" group. Anyway, they understand quickly that they need to work together to even get a chance to escape, using all of their skills and brains to overcome this horrible experience.

Warning: Spoilers from here on, read at your own risk

So the story is nothing really special, it is basic stuff, but it is how it is all presented that is making this movie so exciting. It takes time to get through all the pieces of the puzzle, and it does so without feeling boring or too dragged out. The answer to getting out of here is by math, trying to find the coordinates to each room. It is something about prime numbers, and other shit that was kind of hard to follow with through the movie, but that was probably meant to be so, to make it seem like it was impossible to escape. Wow, who knew that math actually would be useful outside of school.

As stated before, the characters here are interesting, and they are mostly thanks to the actors who play them. While some of them, like Holloway (Nicky Guadagni) and Quentin (Maurice Dean Wint), are sometimes overplayed, the acting here is pretty good for this budget. But the character Worth nagged me a bit, because I knew I had seen him before. Turns out, the actor is David Hewlett, and I had seen him before, in "Stargate: Atlantis", where he plays that nerdy, but overly smart, Dr. Rodney McKay. He does a great performance, playing a man who has nothing to live for and thinks he deserves this punishment. Such a shame though that he is not doing all the math, because would have been fitting, but he and Andrew Miller (Kazan) are the best performers here in my opinion.

Discount "Stargate: Atlantis" crew

The thing that makes this movie so intriguing is that it basically takes place in one single room, but making it seem like it takes place in a contraption with thousands of rooms. The whole set consisted only of one 14 by 14 foot cube, in which all of the filming took place. The directors used special gel panels where they then lit up using different colored lights to make it easier on the viewer to see that the characters are moving from one room to another. And to make it even easier, the whole movie was shot color by color, with the meatier parts being in the first color, which was red. It is little tricks like that that makes this low budget film a little more special and impressive.

The film crew also got a lot of help from the special effects company C.O.R.E., who did all of the digital effects in the movie, including the traps and the outside of the cube, and they did it all for free. Yes, it certainly looks what you pay for (especially on that opening scene, that mesh is taken straight from some sci-fi bullshit), but they work, and who the hell can turn down free help? I sure can't. Anyway, there is not much special effects here, some digital stuff and an acid sprayed face, nothing much.

While the movie is not scary per se, it is god damn creepy, watching all the characters descend into the eternal pits of madness the longer they are in. The transformation is especially obvious with Quentin, who goes from being a natural leader, almost being the voice of reason (the smoking hypocrite doctor sure ain't one), to becoming a raging killer. That is truly some good script writing, because the transformation is not sudden, it comes in just the pace that it needs to come. "Cube" is truly a psychological thriller, and it excels at being just that.

Ending

So eventually, the group finds out that Worth helped design this gigantic cube, even if he only did the outer shell, but he is certainly not the bad guy. They also come to the conclusion that the big cube consists of at least 26x26x26 rooms (a total of 17 576 rooms!), and that the rooms also switch places (in a pace that is very sporadic). Well, Quentin does not care, because he has reached the boiling point, he wants out, pushing Leaven to figure it all out, and she does, only to realize that the answers can only be acquired through some complex algorithm that even she cannot do without a computer. Fortunately, she has Kazan, who goes full Rain Man and just spits out the right answers to every number.

Leaven, Worth, and Kazan then tries to shake off Quentin, trying to reach the end by themselves, and by some cunning strategy (or just outright stupidity by Quentin), they succeed, eventually reaching the bridge to the exit. However, while Worth is hesitating if he deserves his freedom, Quentin appears out of nowhere, and stabs Leaven with a broken door handle. He then beats up Worth and grabs a hold of Kazan, who is on his way out, but as Quentin tries to get over the threshold, Worth comes back and holds him back, just as the bridge cube moves, splitting Quentin in half (which we never get to see the end result of, thanks budget). All that is left is Kazan, and a white bright light.

While the ending leaves a lot of questions unanswered (most of them being answered in the prequel movie "Cube Zero"), it is still a satisfying ending. Quentin got what he deserved, Worth got his redemption, and Kazan, the most unlikely one of them all, survives to live another day. No cliches, no sad good byes, just bliss, complete bliss.

Summary

"Cube" is a wonderful little movie that does creep under your skin, even with minimum blood, gore, and jump scares. The psychological transformations that is happening to these characters before our eyes is very interesting to follow, and the suspense of not knowing if the next room is trapped or not is just great. While it does have its set of flaws, those do not take away the overall experience of the movie, and it is most certainly a movie worth watching for fans of the "Saw" franchise. No wonder this film spawned its own set of sequels eventually, but then again, it is a horror movie, it will get sequels, for better, or for worse.

Rating: 8/10 Algorithms

Movie review: Deathgasm

Halloween is upon us, a time where kids goes out trick or treating, people dress up in ridiculous costumes, and the hottest horror movie franchises releases their bazillionth part. This made me realize that I have not done a movie review in ages, so I think I am gonna make it a yearly tradition, to do at least one movie review for Halloween, and luckily, I found just the perfect movie to start it all up.

*Screams SPOILER ALERT in the most black metal way possible*

"Deathgasm" is a Comedy horror movie made in New Zealand, about the teenager Brodie (Milo Cawthorne), a metal head that lost his mother to meth and is forced to live with his highly christian uncle and his family in the small town of Greypoint. After some time of being bullied by his cousin and some half assed games of role playing with his new friends Dion (Sam Berkley) and Giles (Daniel Cresswell), he meets Zakk (James Blake), another metal head that seem to only care about himself and his music. These guys certainly creates a cool brotherhood of steel, even if their personalities are about as different as it gets.

The story really gets going when the guys sneaks (or rather breaks) into the home of Rikki Daggers (Stephen Ure), singer of Haxan Sword. Finding out that he has been spotted, Rikki gives a copy of one of his band's LP's to the guys, and tells them to guard it with their lives, and the guys get away just before some mysterious bloke comes in and kills Rikki. You see, inside this LP are the note sheets of the Virtutem Rex Daemonia Virtutem Fortuna, also known as The Black Hymn, a sort of a ritual tune for The Blind One known as Aeolath, the king of demons. Unknowing of the consequences, Brodie, Zakk, Giles and Dion gets together to form DEATHGASM, and performs the entire song, turning all of the humans within hearing range into blind possessed zombies. Brutal!

So yeah, the story is kind of wacky, but it is all great since it is not the most serious of horror flicks. It is certainly interesting enough so you would want to continue watching, and adding all these metal elements into it just makes it that much sweeter. However, it is the comedy that makes this movie good. Sure, at several points it could be a little too childish with its foul language and sex jokes (like when Brodie and Zakk killed Brodie's uncle and aunt with sex toys and left them looking like they were in the middle of a blow job), but it is portioned out in just the right amount of sizes so it will not get too cheesy. And this is just a personal thought, but I think the dialect makes the jokes even funnier. I have always enjoyed British humour, and the New Zealand dialect is sort of British, so it is close enough.

The gore levels are not too big, but you will certainly see a lot of blood in this movie. Several of these possessed beings just vomits the blood in the same way as the character Maggie Blackamoor in "Little Britain". You will also see some decapitations, chicks cleaving skulls with axes, eyes popping out, and penis chopping. In other words, some good old hack n' slash.

While the actors might not be too well known, they do a pretty good job, presenting their characters loud and clear, and the overall script is good, except for one scene where Brodie and Medina (Kimberly Crossman) goes through a typical teen age movie love scene, sitting together with some awkward conversation and a good bye that clearly hints that the spark between them is lit. The only thing different between this and any other American teen age movies is the black metal makeup corpse paint. I also think the effects are pretty uneven, some being pretty cool and well made, while others you can actually tell that those really are fake.

Mmmmm, tastes a little cheesy

So this movie does have some flaws, but the movie crew did way more right things with this movie than bad things, one being the sound track, including tracks from Skull Fist, Ihsahn, Emperor, and many more. I also do like the ending (once again if you somehow missed it, SPOILERS), in which Aeolath is defeated, Medina gets her Brodie designed tattoo (and completes her transformation into a pure metal chick), and while Zakk is brutally murdered, his soul still soars through the power of metal, which leads to a interesting conversation with him and Brodie after the credits (weird, did not think Marvel made this movie).

Spoilers end here

"Deathgasm" is a must watch for those who enjoy metal and British humour (even if it is made in New Zealand). It is not at all scary, but it will give you tons of good chuckles through all of its 80 minutes of play time. I even dare to say that this is the best thing that has come out of New Zealand since the "Lord of The Rings" movie trilogy. So if you want to have some fun this Halloween, "Deathgasm" is a great choice.

Rating: 8,5/10 Metal Zombies

(mini) Movie review: Kung Fury

The website Kickstarter is pretty funny, you can just upload any stupid idea out there and make people pay you for it to come true. Wheter it is a hip new Indie game or some worthless invention. Few of these kickstarter projects have ever ended up in a final product that met the expectations of what it promised, but there are also those projects that are the exception that proves the rule.

Kung Fury started out as a small movie project by a couple of guys from Umeå, Sweden, who wanted to create a classic 80's themed cop comedy, with tons of action, goofiness, and computer animation. The group uploaded a trailer, and set the goal for about 200 thousand dollars, which was met in less than 24 hours. A total of 180 thousand people have donated, and last week, in Cane's grand movie festival, the fruit of all the money was presented in this 30 minute long mini movie. Today, the rest of us got to see this through a couple of mediums (I myself watched it in the Swedish television channel SVT2).

The 80's called, they want their spoilers back

The movie is set in Miami, Florida, in the 80's. For those of you who do not remember that time (or like me, was not born in it), it was a time where the arcade systems, the neon lights, and the over the top, butt ugly hair cuts and clothing styles ruled. When it comes to metal, this was the age for glam metal bands, such as Mötley Crüe, Poison, Skid Row and more. A genre I have always despised fairly much, mostly because the dudes in those bands mostly were in it for the chicks and fame, and not for the music, which is ultimately why the genre itself did not last very long. Wait, did I just turn this movie review into a rant about glam metal? Shit, let me get back on track.

Anyway, we meet the hero of the movie, Kung Fury (played by David Sandberg, the leader of the project), when he gets called in to stop a giant arcade robot who has gone completely mad, shooting people and flipping them off. A epic fighting scene that of course ends with a corny, but still funny punch line (not gonna spoil it, but I think you can easily guess what he said). We also get the back story of how this seemingly normal cop became the chosen one, the only man to ever master the art of kung fury. However, he is still working in the force, and gets the classic lecture that he has to follow the rules and not smash the city into smithereens when saving it.

The story really gets serious when a nazi-German suddenly calls the chief of police, then starts shooting the entire police office through the phone. It makes no sense, but it is kind of the whole point with this movie. Kung Fury knows exactly who did this, it is the infamous leader Adolf Hitler who did it, and is in search of Kung Fury to kill him, so Adolf himself can become Kung Fury. This leads Kung Fury to a epic adventure where he travels back in time through hacking, in where he meets up with Thor (not the Marvel Thor, the actual, muscular, viking Thor), Barbarianna and Katana, and later goes to Nazi Germany to once and for all take down the Kung Führer.

The story itself is wacky, but there are tons of other stuff in this movie that are out right insane. The acting is not anywhere near top class, but the cheesiness that the actors incorporate (especially David) fits the mood perfectly. They act like they are ultra serious, but still have that non-serious side that is so typical action comedies like The Naked Gun and Loaded Weapon. The computer animations are actually pretty cool, especially since the guys really made it look like it really was made in the 80's. But the best part of the movie is of course the various action scenes that are just so ridiculous that they leave you speechless. They are all incredibly insane, especially the one where Kung Fury fights off endless nazi soldiers.

Because of the attention the project has gotten, several celebrities have joined in the project to make it what it is today. The most famous one is without a doubt David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff, he sings the main theme to the movie and makes a small cameo in the ending. Other notable famous faces are Saturday Night Live star Jorms Taccone, and the Swedish comedians Magnus Betnér and Björn Gustafsson. They all did a good job in their parts, and fortunately, they did not take over completely, making the movie more about them than the story.

I can honestly say that I highly enjoyed this movie, only because there is no other movie like this in this day and age. The guys did a great job in empersonating the 80's in so many ways, even if the movie mocks it to some extent. The attention the whole project has gotten has been well deserved and I believe that all of the donors must be proud of what they all have done, helping a bunch of guys fulfilling their ultimate tribute to a movie genre that was almost forgotten. Long live the Kung Fury.

Rating: 8,5/10 Killer Arcade Robots who flips fingers at everyone in their way

Movie review: Spiders

Just like anybody else, I got fears off my own. Getting rectum reamed by Aliens, atom bombs blowing up the earth and seeing my grandma in a bikini. I am not necessarily afraid of spiders, but I easily get a jump scare when I see a little eight legged fucker sneaking up behind me (the same goes with random insects). However, if the world would be invaded by huge 10 meter spiders, I would probably transform into Ron Weasley from the Harry Potter series and run for my fucking life. Fortunately, this is only happening through the magic of movies. Which leads us to Spiders, another movie about the world getting attacked by over sized animals that was probably caused by man itself. So yeah, this movie is far from original (found at least 30 titles on IMDB about giant spiders) and since the only great animal horror movie is Jaws, I had some low expectations for this movie.

Eek, spoilers incoming.

The story starts with a abandoned Soviet satellite that crashes down towards earth, and one piece of the satellite crashes through the ground, into the outskirts of a New York subway station, which shakes the whole ground. Investigations starts instantly and on the scene is the head supervisor of the subway system Jason Cole. He quickly finds out that the satellite piece included some kind of mutant spiders that was geneticly altered together with DNA from something "unexplainable" that the soviets found under the ice of Caucasus. So there is the basic story line and I can totally accept this highly unlikely story, but I am not sure that this would have been possible twenty years ago (the time when this mutant spider was created according to the movie). Maybe today, but not twenty years ago.

So far so good, but it is turning worse the longer the movie rolls. The US government and army quickly puts a quarantine in the neighbourhood and tells that there is a "virus epidemic". Then they do what they do best, fucking it up. The Russian professor Dr. Jarnoff (who have worked with this project since it started) tries to tell the army leader what he and his soldiers should do, but do they listen? Fuck no. The soldiers shots at the giant spiders even though Jarnoff told them to stand out of their way. Typical American movie stupidity. But the worst part is that the army is holding Jason's daughter and babysitter hostages and they have put a warrant for Jason and his wife. Suddenly, this middle age subway supervisor that is going through a divorce has become freaking Jason Bourne for no known reason. This part just fucks up my mind completely. Does he know too much? Is he a danger for society? Does he smoke crack? I do not know, and I guess that most of you who have watched this movie does not understand either.

There is not much to cheer for in this movie, but I have to say that the spiders look pretty bad ass with their spiked up bodies, web shooting rears and those two front "teeth" that slices and dices. And sadly, the spiders does the best acting in the movie. The whole movie is filled with B-class and C-class actors that seem to not give a shit about the movie at all.

Lastly, the ending is also very strange. They killed the queen... then what? Should I believe that the rest of the giant spiders just dropped dead or crawled back to the subway tunnels after their precious queen died? I am sorry, but I do not believe that at all. Sure, since the queen was the only female spider, I would guess that the spiders would die after some time, but they would still spread terror through the city. But hey, the plot was already screwed, so why not screw up the ending as well.

If it was not for the shitty US army and the weird warrant against Jason, this would be a regular B-movie with some decent effects that probably would have been shitty on 3D (I watched the 2D version because 3D sucks balls). And I expected a horror movie with a lot of gore, blood and spider web. Sadly, this is a very bad thriller that mixes giant spiders with the Jason Bourne plot. So please, if you watch this movie, do it for the spiders, not the plot.

Rating: 2/10 Spider queens