Lordi - Sexorcism (2018)

The Finnish monster band Lordi has certainly established a place within the metal sphere, and by most they could be seen as the "80's slasher film" of metal. They are pretty corny, their effects are far from the best, and they are not scary at all, but damn, they are entertaining. Their original brand of unoriginal metal works quite well most of the time, and in recent releases they have been incorporating some new elements here and there to gain an extra spark, but just like any slasher film, the countless of sequels tend to be one of two things, forgettable or out right ridiculous.

Well, I would say that "Sexorcism" lands somewhere in between that scale, because most of the lyrics are really strange, but the music is surprisingly laid back, not at all showing any real interest. Let us start with the lyrics, because they are more fun to talk about. Just like the album title hinted, "Sexorcism" is without a doubt the dirtiest Lordi album to date, singing a lot about making people (and beasts) cum, keeping girls locked in the basement, and other stuff the band has not really touched on before. It is dangerously close to Steel Panther level of sleazy sexism (the album cover itself is just disgusting), but they do balance it out with some horror puns and mentions of Satan, so it is all good.

Just such a shame that the music is mostly stale and predictable. Sure, Lordi may not be known for their ability to twist and turn a song structure, but at least they have shown some growth in later records, especially in the instrumental department with some nifty guitar work and haunting keys. Both of those are still the strong point of the record, but there are not many sections that I can truly remember, so they are not exactly helping the album to become memorable.

This makes "Sexorcism" a very flat lined album, not really bringing out any real emotion out of me. The entire record is okay song after okay song, with close to all of them not really standing out. The band is obviously trying, but the material is hard to work with, like how can you take an awful pun like "Poterchrist" and make a good song about it, or how about the horror swing known as "Hot & Satanned", a very strange song, even with Lordi's standard.

Fortunately, there is always a couple of songs that do have enough power in them to save the record, and "Sexorcism" has its fair share as well. The title track is a great opener that really sets the bar, and I also love the comedy that "Romeo Ate Juliet" brings (a play I would love to see). Both "Hell Has Room" and "Naked In My Cellar" has some nice power to them so that you will not fall asleep, and "Haunting Season" ends the album well with a nice creepy atmosphere. None of these songs will most likely not be any future classics, but they do offer enough quality to a record that is starving for some.

So while "Sexorcism" is not in the embarrassing levels of an album like "Deadache", it is definitely not gonna go down in history as one of Lordi's proudest achievements. It is an album that tries to be shocking with its dirty humour, but the music just does not match up, over shadowing the lyrics to give this record a very grey aura. I would not say this is a disappointing album (it sounds like Lordi after all), but i definitely hoped for more since they had a good streak going. I really sure hope the demon who possessed that poor lady had fun, cause I was only mildly amused.

Songs worthy of recognition: Romeo Ate Juliet, Naked In My Cellar, Sodomesticated Animal

Rating: 6/10 Polterchrists

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More reviews of Lordi
To Beast Or Not To Beast
Scare Force One
Monstereophonic (Theaterror Vs. Demonarchy)

Lordi - Monstereophonic (Theaterror Vs. Demonarchy) (2016)

Look at that album title. Just look at it. Seriously, just look at it, because it leaves me more or less speechless. This is some Rob Zombie like bull shit here, a long ass title that is balls hard to remember. It is not clever, not catchy, and it is most certainly not funny. It is just dumb. And the cover art is boring as hell too! Jesus Christ, this review started worse than I could have imagined.

Lordi's first impression could have obviously been better, but it is the music that matters, and guess what? It is not too shabby! Sure, it is still classic Lordi from start to finish, the same melodies and structures that we all know and love/hate, especially in the first half of the album is just filled with the same old thing. The two first songs ("Hug You Hardcore" and *insert stupidly long title of song about slaughtering He-Man*) are quite fun, showing off the band's quirky sense of humour (Seriously, "Hug You Hardcore" is really kinky) and some good riffing, but the following 4 songs are just boring filler, stuff that tries but does not get anywhere. You have heard it before, and it sounded better back in the days.

But after the interlude "SCG VIII: Opening Scene" (wut?), there is something that happens to "Monster..." and Lordi in general. They gather speed, reaching velocities they have not reached in years. "Demonarchy" is bat shit insane, unleashing furious riffs and a power that I did not think the band could muster. It took my by a big surprise, and I am loving it. It gets even better though, the chorus is catchy without being annoying, delivering a strong message to the people, and the solo is extremely fun and fitting. My god, have Mr. Lordi sold his soul again? This was more than a pleasant surprise.

While that was the high point of "Monster...", the second half brings us some really neat stuff that should not be ignored. "The Unholy Gathering" is a nice change of pace to the album, slowing things down a bit, "And The Zombie Says" is quite frightening, "Break of Dawn" has a great take on the "Painkiller" riff, and "The Night The Monsters Died" is a nice closer of the album, quite progressive for the band. So yeah, the album is surprisingly diverse for a Lordi record.

Despite a bad first impression, "Monster..." impressed me with its interesting song writing that is some of the more original stuff I have heard from Lordi.But in the end though, it is still a Lordi record, a album that is kind of corny, filled with worn out cliches, and predictable melodies. I still think the second half is fantastic, some of the best stuff the band has done since "The Arockalypse", and it makes me kind of excited for the band's next record, just to see if they can build further on that foundation. The real duds are still there though (eww, "Sick Flick"), so the expectations will not be raised to the skies, but if the band takes its time (and do not focus on making stupidly long album titles), they have a good chance to succeed once again.

Songs worthy of recognition: Demonarchy, the He-Man song, And The Zombie Says, Break of Dawn

Rating: 7,5/10 Hardcore Hugs

www.lordi.fi/
twitter.com/LORDIOFFICIAL

More reviews of Lordi
To Beast Or Not To Beast
Scare Force One
Sexorcism

Lordi - Scare Force One (2014)

The goofy monster masters are once again back, and you know what that means. Another album filled with monster and horror references, accompanied by average song writing. I really do appreciate the band's commitment and passion, but behind all the masks and outfits hides a bunch of Finns that is desperately trying to relive their glory days, if they even had any to begin with.

Enter "Scare Force One", album number 7 for the band, and it is another batch of songs that try to be catchy in both riffs and chorus, while showing as few musical improvements as possible. But the most annoying part of the songs in "Scare Force One" is the lyrics. Sure, there is some humour in the lyrics, and when the band does it right it is very entertaining, but there is not a lot in this album that will even make you chuckle. Songs about getting as drunk as Frankenstein and slicing whores, is that really the best you can come up with? The whole album is as funny as a knock knock joke, which means that the band already lost its biggest attraction in this album.

The second thing that often makes me come back to Lordi is the attitude the band some times show, and there is certainly some in this album. The most is in the track "Monster Is My Name" where the band is more or less bragging about being a monster. And when the track opens up with the phrase "who the hell do you think you are you fuck face", you know shit is about to happen. Other wise, there is not much attitude in this album, but instead it is the catchiness that takes over. It is either a unusual riff that catches your attention (like the opening riff to "Nailed By The Hammer of Frankenstein"), a unique sound you rarely hear in a metal album (like the carnival noise in Hell Sent In The Clowns), or it is the chorus of a song that makes it memorable (like the one in the title track). So it is fairly easy to remember most of the stuff in "Scare Force One", but the quality is not good enough for one to care.

The only surprising thing with "Scare Force One" is the track "The United Rocking Dead", a slow song that contains a surprisingly good, Judas Priest like verse, and a pretty epic chorus that really gets a hold of the listener. It is these kind of tracks that keeps my hope up for this band. They can create music if they really try, but instead they go for quantity and more catchy tunes. I am sure though that if the band would have put more time on making the album instead of spitting it out as soon as possible, they could create something memorable. Then again, maybe I expect too much from a bunch of monsters.

The band should focus on improving their sound instead of settling down with what they already know, because it is getting more and more boring to withstand a new Lordi album. "Scare Force One" is far from a plain wreck thanks to some catchy melodies, but it is extremely far from a master piece, especially since the band since to run out of ideas to sing about. So please Lordi, take your time when you are writing new songs for your next album, and make sure that those songs show off your best sides. And if I see another new release next year by you, it will be me who does the haunting. And trust me, you would not want that to happen.

Songs worthy of recognition: The United Rocking Dead, Scare Force One, Hell Sent In The Clowns

Rating: 5,5/10 Cadaver Lovers

www.lordi.fi/
twitter.com/LORDIOFFICIAL

More reviews of Lordi
To Beast Or Not To Beast
Monstereophonic (Theaterror Vs. Demonarchy)

Sexorcism

Lordi - To Beast Or Not To Beast (2013)

To say that the time after the victory in The Eurovision Song Contest in 2006 has been a nightmare for the Finnish monster band Lordi is an understatement. Do not get me wrong, I loved "Hard Rock Hallelujah" and I was stoked when they won the competition (the first victory ever for Finland by the way) but the attention the band got after the win has been bad for the band. The two following albums, "Deadache" and "Babez For Breakfast", was just awful and I and many others lost all respect for the band. I still cannot look into a Lordi album without questioning myself if the band is ridiculous or just acts that way. For example, the video to their latest single "The Riff" is a hot model wearing high heels, a busty corset and panties in a convenient store being chased by brain hungry zombies. The model made me horny but the ridiculousness in that video was just... well, ridiculous. A big fucking joke.

But how about "The Riff"? "The Riff" is easily the best single the band has released since "Hard Rock Hallelujah" and the story about the devil and his band is both fun and interesting. The song itself is groovy and edgy but it also has one of the coolest text lines in 2013 so far (that also explains the bands journey after ESC pretty well).

"So the devil's out of touch / and he cannot smell a hit / 'cause he has lost his mind / in all that Hip-Hop shit".

Lordi humour at its best.

The big difference that Lordi has brought forward since the last album is a new born attitude that is a good mix of horror and cockiness, an attitude that is very crucial for the band's performance. The adrenaline starts pumping when you hear Lordi's self confident in "We're Not Bad For The Kids (We're Worse)" and "I'm The Best". And with that self confident also comes a better imagination, a ingredient that the band missed in the last two albums. For instance, the band is trying their best to impersonate a hockey quire in "I Luv Ugly", an attempt that gives the song a much needed lift.

But after around half of the album we really get to know Lordi by their true colors. In "Horrifiction" we get references from every famous horror movie together with a riff that fits better in "No One Like You" by Scorpions. Then we also have the way too groovy "Happy New Fear" that has a fucking awesome intro but the song is completely ruined as soon as the wimpy chorus kicks in. But the worst song is "Candy For The Cannibal". I dig the concept and the lyrics but is it really necessary to stutter out the chorus? That part drives me c-c-crazy and it is giving me a r-r-rash. Not even that great guitar solo could save this song. Such a shame. If you should listen to one track from the latter half then "Schizo Doll" is the obvious choice with its good keyboard work and frightening children quire. If Chucky from Child's Play ever had a own theme song then this would be it.

So do I chose to beast or not? I actually chose the first alternative but that is only 'cause of the fact that "To Beast Or Not To Beast" is the best album since "The Arockalypse". It is good old Lordi all the way through and the craftsmanship in this album is not too shabby but it is still Lordi and it gets a little too goofy from time to time. I still hold other monster bands like Slipknot, Mushroomhead and GWAR higher but Lordi will always have a place in my playlist. After all, it is hard to say no to monsters that comes from Santa's home town Rovaniemi.

Songs worthy of recognition: The Riff, I Luv Ugly, Schizo Doll

Rating: 7/10 Horrifictions

www.lordi.fi/
twitter.com/LORDIOFFICIAL

More reviews of Lordi
Scare Force One
Monstereophonic (Theaterror Vs. Demonarchy)

Sexorcism