Tenacious D - Post-Apocalypto (2018)

The alleged greatest rock band in the world is back after a six year absence, and it seems like they have had quite an adventure during those six years. After all, why the hell would you release a record about your experiences of surviving a post apocalyptic world if you did not actually experience it. Maybe they blew it up a little too much, but then again, I am not American, so I have no idea what the USA was like after Trump got in the White House. I just have to trust the words of good old Jack Black and Kyle Gass.

So "Post-Apocalypto" takes the listener through a wild journey, which includes sex, nazis, sex, space, sex, time travel, and even more sex. Yes, just like with the predecessor "Rize of The Fenix", Tenacious D is once again going way too far with the sex jokes, losing all the impact that these jokes would normally have. I am starting to suspect if the band takes Viagra before going into the recording studio, because the whole first half of the record is just a bunch of loads, blow jobs, dicks, and va-jay-jays. I know I should not take these guys seriously, but come on, grow up a little bit at least.

Trust me though, the story becomes weirder after that, with the D fighting off against KKK members, Donald Jr., Jables Jr., and some weird ass monster called Daddy Ding Dong. Add a Terminator who fights with the D, and a three headed dog named Hope, and you got yourself a jumbled mess of WTF. The whole story is confusing as hell to follow, jumping from one happening to another like Jonathan Edwards takes three steps. The only way to make any sense of it all is if you go on to YouTube, and check out the mini series the band made, filling in the giant plot holes the album left us with, like why Hope started out with two heads but then later he has three, or what the hell a Yo-Yo Ma is.

So with the mini series, the story does make sense, and is admittedly pretty funny, but if you are gonna express this into album format as well, you just cannot leave so many plot holes in, or else the listener will be more lost than the people in Lost. Sure, I do admit that "The Pick of Destiny" had its own share of plot holes, but you could at the very least piece together the story there with some ease. That is something you cannot do with "Post-Apocalypto", there is just too much random shit happening.

Okay, I have talked enough about the story, but the only reason I have done so is that there is barely any music in here to begin with. There is way too many skits in this album, and whenever it finally gets to the music, the band just speeds it through, with no real song being over the 3 minute mark. The worst part is that the music is really good, classic Tenacious D rock that only they can do. The self titled track (and its reprise version) has that blazing "Master Exploder" feel that is so intoxicating, and the band manages to get some nice emotions in there too in "Fuck Yo-Yo Ma", "Hope" and "Making Love". Then we have two curve balls that are so wrong, but feels kind of right. First we have "marCH", an anthem for the KKK that claims that they like BBQs, but hate gays. In today's PC world, I am shocked that this exists, but it is kind of catchy, so..... nope, it is still wrong. Then we have a rap song in "JB Jr Rap", and the rapping is god damn awful, but in a funny way, and the beat itself is pretty sweet. Eh, it beats all the mumble rappers out there at least.

So all of this sums up into a 30 minute record, which is obviously way too short for a band that has had six years to make this record. "Post-Apocalypto" does have its moments of brilliance, but the fact that it is short as hell, have more holes than a Swiss cheese, is confusing as it can be, and that it feels like parts of it were done by a 10 year old makes this whole album a huge disappointment. I like the idea that they went for a concept record again, and the whole "End of the world" story is not bad, but it is presented really poorly unless you have watched the YouTube videos. JB, KG, I love you guys, but if a Terminator wielding a chainsaw-bazooka-machine-gun could not save this album, nothing could.

Songs worthy of recognition: Fuck Yo-Yo Ma, Post-Apocalypto Theme, Take Us Into Space

Rating: 4/10 Daddy Ding Dongs

www.tenaciousd.com/
twitter.com/RealTenaciousD

Psychostick - Do (2018)

Comedy is said to be one of the hardest things to pull off, especially in a consistent basis for a long time, which is probably why most comedic acts out there are either short lived, or has faded away in some way or form. So a band like Psychostick should definitely get a lot of respect for continuously providing their fans with really funny content, either it be a brilliant way to promote a show or a new shirt, or in this case, a whole new album. Eh, maybe it is just dumb luck that these guys are now releasing their 5th studio album, but that does not take away the fact that it is quite a feat to reach this far.

So with an epic title like "Do", you would expect some of the most complex and awesome shit that your ear holes have ever encountered. Well, you will have to settle with what Psychostick does best, mixing smart parodies and fun takes on every day problems with a lot of silly stuff, all packaged in an album that have tons of catchy grooves, and is drenched with passionate fun juice flowing from all of the four band members (that sounds kind of gross now that I think about it).

I kind of hate to say it, but a lot of the songs in "Do" hits a little too close to my heart, not because they are great songs, but because they kind of describe me. These songs are about being an introvert with low self esteem, having dreams of just play video games all day long, being as comfortable as possible. This probably makes me laugh even more at these songs, mostly because the band does such an amazing delivery in the comedic timing and the groovy rhythms that accompany the fun lyrics. Close to all of the songs tell a story as well, like in "Introvert Party Time" where the main guy just wants to stay at home, but gets forced to socialize, leading to an unexpected ending that I just cannot spoil.

Then we have the handful of songs that are just extremely silly, not really serving any purpose besides making you smile. Songs like "Tuesday", "Do", "Keys", and "Bacon, Egg, & Cheese On Toast W/ Shiracha" are empty calories that you happily digest in your brain, humming along to them from time to time. Just a song like "Thinkin' With Yer D" is incredibly stupid, but I have hummed its infectious melody so many god damn times, and I am not ashamed of it one bit. I think only the "Ducktales" theme is more infectious (fuck, now I got that in my brain).

As stated before though, there is a lot of smart stuff in here as well, and most of that can be found in the slower songs. "Stream Stutter" talks about the pain when you are not level with your spouse on a show, and "Rent In Peace" is a brilliant parody on 90's Metallica, while singing about video rental stores. The ace in the sleeve however is, as always when it comes to Psychostick, songs about hate, and I think they have outdone themselves this time with "From The Heart", a heartfelt ballad with a simple and timeless message, that I fucking hate you. The perfect song to send to your enemy.

The most laughs actually did not go to a song, but one of the three skits. All skits (all having titles that start with "Got_No_Breaks") is about the band working on a song about unstoppable motivation, and while the first and third part are fun, they did not come close to the extreme amount of air gasping laughs that the second part got. Every time Matty Moose goes "It's never been done before", I just lose my mind over the mad stupidity that is happening. that skit alone outweighs the few low points of the album, like "Uhhhnngg", "Gurrrrr", the obligatory outtakes, and that strange T-Pain parody "Flop" at the end of the record. I just did not get that last one at all.

So even if "Do" does not meet the pure epicness of its title, it might be one of the most complete Psychostick albums up to this date. The previous 4 albums have all been really fun to listen to, but they have had a bunch of blanks thrown in that does make them feel like Swiss cheese. "Do" is more like Gouda, it is easy to take in and remember, and while it might not be the most complex experience you have ever had, it is one you would like to relive again and again. What more needs to be said other than that "Do" is fun as hell, and it brings a smile to your face every time you turn it on. To quote those famous words uttered by Shia LaBeouf, "What are you waiting for? JUST DO IT!".

Songs worthy of recognition: Introvert Party Time, Adulting, From The Heart, Thinkin' With Yer D, Rent In Peace

Rating: 8,5/10 Keys

www.psychostick.com/
twitter.com/psychostick

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IV: Revenge of The Vengeance

Anvil - Pounding The Pavement (2018)

I gotta be honest, I was very unsure if this was an Anvil album that I was witnessing. It certainly sounded like an Anvil record, and the logo was on full display on that brilliant album cover, but it did miss something that literally defines the band, THE anvil. I could not find it for the life of me, so I started to wonder if they compensated for having two anvils in their last album "Anvil Is Anvil" (both in title and cover). Finally I found it, somewhere among that thick smoke, fully confirming a fact that was already confirmed by logo and music (I really need a new pair of glasses... and maybe a new brain while I am at it).

So now that that is settled out, I can confidently tell you that Anvil's 17th outing is simply another classic Anvil release, an album you would expect from these Canadian legends. It is yet another record filled to the brim with catchy choruses and good, fun heavy metal for the entire family. The band does what they do best, and they really do not bullshit around that fact, delivering an album that we have practically already heard, but still wanna hear.

So what are the topics these guys tackle this time around? Well they open up the album... with a song about GPS. Yes, "Bitch In A Box" is all about that little device I thought the rest of the world had ditched in favour for the Google Maps app. But that is the charm with Anvil, they can sing about anything, and still get a good chuckle out of you (even if the song is a little too slow for my taste). Further down the song list we find "Nanook of The North", which is actually a song about the native Canadians and their history. A neat little song that opens with classic Nanookian... beat singing? I do not know what it is called, but it is a really nice touch from the band. So they really go high and low in the lyrics, nothing surprising, but welcome none the least.

Musically speaking though, it is all over the place. Some song have a great drive, almost like the guys winded back the clock to their hey days, like the adrenaline pumping tracks "Ego", "Warming Up", and "Black Smoke". Kudlow's guitar play is especially impressive, dominating with several kick ass solos, and even a title track that is fully instrumental. Best of all though, is that the band seem to still enjoying themselves, even if they really are "Pounding The Pavement".

But as said, this album is pretty uneven, taking quite a few dips throughout its run time. Most of the time, it is just the fact that the songs are boring and predictable, not adding anything special to the album itself. There are also a couple of really weird ones out there, like the incredibly cheesy 70's rock opus "Rock That Shit", which simply just does not fit in at all, or "Smash Your Face", a song that is very slow and tries to be heavy, but I do not feel any smashing here at all, which just sucks. I still think there are more good and interesting stuff here than bad, but the bad bits do take over more than I like to admit.

No matter what I say though, it is quite clear what your own opinion of "Pounding The Pavement" will be, even without hearing the album. Because if you have heard of any Anvil music before, you know exactly what you are going to get, and that you either love it or hate it. The Canadians does what is expected of them, and that is admirable in its own little charming way, and as long as they still can find joy in what they are doing, I am satisfied whenever a new album hits the market. So the title is very fitting, the band keeps on pounding that pavement, and they do a mighty fine job doing so.

Songs worthy of recognition: Black Smoke, What I Want, Warming Up

Rating: 6/10 Nanooks of the North

http://my.tbaytel.net/tgallo/anvil/
https://twitter.com/AnvilMetal666

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Anvil Is Anvil

Steel Panther - Lower The Bar (2017)

Okay, this review might come out more as a rant, but I really do not care, anything goes here on FaTG anyway. The reason so is that Steel Panther is a band that has talent and all, but they do make me sick to my stomach. And no, it is not because of their filthy lyrics or the fact that they are emulating one of the uglier part of the metal family tree, glam metal. They are sickening because they are a one trick pony, and they seem perfectly fine with it. I would not be bothered with that if that trick was not... this.

So for those of you who don't know Steel Panther (you lucky ignorant fools), they are an American glam rock band that brings you back to the happy 80's, where fluffy hair do's and neon bright clothing was highly popular, being the perfect chick magnet and the ultimate thrash metal fan repeller. They do some modernizing with the sound, but it still sounds like it would fit nicely in with bands like Poison, Ratt, Quiet Riot, and Twisted Sister. It is nostalgia to the max.

However, the band has another gimmick that takes all of this one humongous step further because this band is all about partying, drugs, alcohol, and most importantly, sex. Not too much unlike any other metal band at that era you might say, but trust me, no other band is as filthy as Steel Panther. In this, their fifth album that is entitled "Lower The Bar", they sing about all kinds of meaningful subjects, like taking the "other" entry, getting blow jobs, taking a shameful walk, and a kind of boomerang that I am pretty sure that the Aborigines never have heard of.

Once again, I do not mind the band singing about this, the problem is instead the way they present the lyrics, and how they deliver them. Their deliverance is below the belt, ALL THE TIME, no break what so ever, and it is often so obvious that it is more cringe than fun. The comedy here is just dumb, there is nothing smart or witty about it. Straight on below the belt comedy can be funny too, but I prefer it when it is in small doses.

Take a band like Motörhead for example, who does this with more finesse and wittiness. You often do not really know that they are singing about sex until you really focus on the lyrics, which makes it way more funnier when you know there is some thought behind it. The same can be said in the cover art for "Sacrifice", where they perfectly hid a genital somewhere in there, just as a fun side gag. Now, this might be unfair to compare the two bands, since Steel Panther is all about this image both on and off the stage, but their humour wears off on me really quickly, which is direct suicide for an album that is trying to get my approval.

And it is such a shame, because the band does have talent all across the board, but since it seems like they are not taking themselves seriously, I cannot them seriously. Guitarist Russ "Satchel" Parrish lays down some great licks and solos, while Ralph Saenz performs some great vocals (when you ignore the lyrics obviously). The biggest strength of the band though is that they nail the 80's vibe perfectly. This album feels like it was ripped straight from the 80's, and that we are waiting for their call, asking us to bring it back. It just sucks that it is diminished by their outrageous image.

I have given Steel Panther a good number of chances to show that they are more than just a filthy one trick pony, but they have disappointed me enough times now to make me realize one simple fact, that I will never understand, or even like, this band. They got their share of fans, which is good for them, but they will always be a band that you either love or hate, and it all comes down to the lyrics. As for "Lower The Bar", it is just another album with dumb subjects in a perfectly fine glam metal sound, and I guess the album title do make some kind of sense, because they did actually lower the bar when comparing to previous efforts (which is not really saying all too much). So if you have, for some reason, enjoyed the band in the past, this will be up your alley, but for me, there is only one reasonable thing I can do with this record, flush it down the toilet.

Songs (barely) worthy of recognition: Goin' In The Backdoor, Wrong Side of The Tracks (Out In Beverly Hills)

Rating: 2/10 Poontang Boomerangs

steelpantherrocks.com/
twitter.com/Steel_Panther/

Alestorm - No Grave But The Sea (2017)

In shortage of other things to do, I went to see the new "Pirates of The Caribbean" movie this week. Yes, it had some bullshit here and there, but it is harmless fun in an adventure that involved both curses, mysteries, and rum. A solid 6/10 for sure. It got me thinking though, why is it that only that franchise nailed the Pirate theme? You would think that there would be more pirate movies out there, but nope, Disney seemingly has monopoly on that too. This is a problem we metalheads do not have, with a bunch of good pirate metal bands here and there, all delivering good fun and great music.

Out of these bands, Alestorm is arguably the one currently on top, gaining a good following in a relatively short amount of time. Their recipe of catchy melodies and comedic values does make them stand out, and delivers just like the "Caribbean" franchise, a good amount of fun. I almost started to take them seriously after their last release, "Sunset On The Golden Age", because it had more serious stories in it, and some really great craftsmanship. But nope, those silly thoughts vanished with the release of "No Grave But The Sea", that sees the band getting back to their simple minded ways, and to be honest, I do not mind it at all.

Even if I loved the last album, I still think Alestorm is at its best when the band do not take itself all too seriously, and just by looking at the title of the sixth song of the album ("Fucked With An Anchor"), you know that the laughs will not be far away. We got tales of when the group drank a bar dry, took a trip to the end of the world, and how they got their name, it is truly a cavalcade of fun stories all throughout this record.

It is however the songs themselves that lifts "No Grave But The Sea" from the ocean floor to the surface. While the band still can be seen as fairly one dimensional, they have improved their song writing skills over the years, implementing more techniques and more interesting changes here and there, bringing a more diverse experience. The riffs in songs like the title track are much cooler and complex than before, and mixed with those keyboards makes it sound more piraty than ever.

It is also interesting to see that the band finally mustered up a song that is actually called "Alestorm", five albums in. It will most certainly be a live favourite, with a blood pumping chorus and even some haarrrrrrrsh vocals mixed in. The high point of the record might still be "Mexico", a fun and catchy son of a bitch with some 8-bit sounds and tequila drenched sing along moments. Speaking of sing along, "Bar Ünd Imbiss" will surely invite to such antics, both for the sober and the drunk.

Surprisingly, I was kind of disappointed with "Fucked With An Anchor". It is catchy as hell, and its immature personality is infecting as fuck, but when you use such a word as fuck, you should have some authority behind it. Take Strapping Young Lad for example, they used the word a lot of times, and they simply did not give a fuck, they went balls to the wall with it. Alestorm is wasting some potential here, almost taking the easy route. You can better do better lads (please do not make me walk the plank!).

Still, I cannot get mad at these Scottish fellas, because they are just too much fun. Their pirate ways are sometimes strange and childish, but when in the right mood (and enough rum in your body), this is simply brilliant. No, "No Grave But The Sea" is far from a masterpiece, but it does not need to be, it will have its fans anyway, loving every inch of the album. In the end, "No Grave But The Sea" will make you smile, and maybe go out on a search for treasure, it is at least a good soundtrack for that kind of activity.

Songs worthy of recognition: Mexico, No Grave But The Sea, Alestorm

Rating: 7/10 Pegleg Potions

www.alestorm.net/
twitter.com/alestormband

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Sunset On The Golden Age

Trollfest - Helluva (2017)

In the metal universe, there are weird bands, there are crazy bands, there are insane bands, and then there is Trollfest, a Norwegian folk metal band that are completely out of their fucking minds. With a solid mix of strange folk melodies that takes you straight to the troll infested forest of Norway and a lot of saxophone (yes, saxophone!), this band is truly something unique, something that no one can recreate. I mean, just look at the cover, and you will immediately understand what kind of wacky creatures we are dealing with here (THE SPELUNKING SISTERS HAVE FREAKING EIGHT NIPPLES?!... or maybe warts).

My first encounter with these woodland beings was in 2012 when they released "Brumblebassen", and quality wise they have always held the banner fairly high, making them enjoyable even if only a couple of songs were truly excellent. Not surprisingly, the same can be said about "Helluva", the band's seventh offering. It is really enjoyable, because the wacky nature of the band is just so infectious, forcing a Joker like grin to your face.

The album opens up with just an intro. No seriously, the intro is actually called "This Is Just The Intro", but it is more than just a simple intro. Sure, it is just an short instrumental, but it has zany melodies that gets you pumped up for what is coming. Then the band takes you straight through its insane world with "Professor Otto", a speedy track that is Trollfest to the very core, with its crazy folk melodies and incomprehensible vocals. Sure, Trollmannen may not be a new Ronnie James Dio, but he fits perfectly in with the madness around him.

There are several small details in this album that is genuinely charming, making "Helluva" really good. The speed and the catchy rhythms are a main reason to why this band is so enjoyable, which is highly noticeable in songs like "Spelunking Sisters" and "La Grande finale", while "Gigantic Cave" stands out as one of few songs with some clean vocals, giving a more catchy chorus that will make you sing along to the line "Some creepy looking guy, some creepy looking species". Then we have "Steel Sarah", which starts with some techno-ish video game music, but then bursts out into one of few times where the heavy guitars are at the front of the cavalry, especially towards the second half of the song where the band almost goes industrial on our asses. It is a cool and almost epic song, a clear highlight of this album.

But then we have those really weird songs that are either hilarious, or just plain... wut? "Trollachen" is just three straight minutes of trolls laughing and, seemingly, getting drunk. Then we have "Hen of Hades", which is a song about a chicken... from hell. Let us also not forget "Reiten Mit Ein Fisch", which is German for "Ride with a fish" (I thought these guys were from Norway, god dammit), and at some parts it sounds like it was stolen from a level in "Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex". Finally, we have "Kabaret", and yes, it sounds like some cabaret from the 1930's, only with hairy, green, wart filled trolls. Jesus Christ, I am truly speechless here, this is just completely bonkers. If you want insanity, you have surely come to the right place

If nothing else, "Helluva" will be remembered as a really fun record that follows the same spirit that the rest of Trollfest's discography displays. It is an incredibly wacky record that is sure to turn your frown upside down in no time, and even if it does not add anything new to the band's repertoir, it is still good times when this is on. It might be a little too long though, so a couple of songs could have easily been removed, but still, this is a helluva fun adventure that Professor Otto and the Spelunking Sisters are treating us. Never stop festing, you god damn crazy trolls.

Songs worthy of recognition: Steel Sarah, Professor Otto, Gigantic Cave

Rating: 7,5/10 Kabarets

www.trollfest.com/
twitter.com/TrollfesT_Band

Anvil - Anvil Is Anvil (2016)

This album title has to be either the dumbest or the most genius one ever. We get it, this is Anvil making another Anvil album, but to be sure that everyone knows, they complete the Anvilception with the title "Anvil Is Anvil", and the use of not one, but TWO anvils on the cover. You can't blame the band for missing the sense of self criticizing humour, that is for sure.

Anyway, when it comes to the music the guys play, they seem to always balance on a thin line between groovy and plain ridiculous. It always seem like the band does not take their music seriously, which is fine if you are meant to be a comedic metal band, but is Anvil that, or are they acting serious? It is a question I have never been able to answer, and it is for that reason it is confusing to listen to Anvil.

In my opinion, they are at their best when they focus more on the riffs and the overall groove. When they hit that, it often goes pretty well. The opening two tracks are a good example of this. In "Daggers And Rum", Anvil is making their best Alestorm impression, and cooks up a nice sea shanty that may not blow me away, but it is a nice start to the album. After that, the following track "Up, Down, Sideways" rolls me over with a classic Anvil beat, and some cool instrumentation (like the little solos right before the chorus). Good speed can also be found in "Die For A Lie" and "It's Your Move".

It is when the band tries to complicate things, more precisely slowing things down, when it goes downhill. "Gun Control" is a boring protest (?) song that makes me wanna control a gun towards my head, "Forgive Don't Forget" sounds forced, and with a title like "Zombie Apocalypse", you would expect some action, but instead, you get something that zombies would not only catch up to, but also literally run past. If a zombie outburst is as exciting as this song, then I am sure that there would be more fatalities by sleep than zombie bites. Just bring back "Shut The Fuck Up" please.

I do not blame the guys for at least trying to evolve their sound, but if it has not happened in over 30 years, it is never going to happen. Anvil is making more or less the same songs as they always have done, with simple structures, groovy riffs, and ultra simple choruses where the song title often is the only word spoken. So when the band cannot entertain with their riffs or their quirkiness, what is left? Now that I mentioned it, while going through their discography, I noticed that every album made by the band consists of three words. "Metal On Metal", "Hope In Hell", "This Is Thirteen", yes, all of them do have three words. A weird inside joke, or pure coincidence? I'll let you be the judge of that.

Yeah, this sure is Anvil to the core. "Anvil Is Anvil" is not by any means a disappointment, but it is not a thrilling surprise either. It is Anvil, what more could one expect? Fans of this band will be pleased, and the others should be wise in not giving this effort a try, because you have already heard it. In a weird, kind of odd way, Anvil will always be there, playing the same old songs until they are dead, and to be honest, it would be stupid if it was any other way. Because in the end, Anvil will always be Anvil.

Songs worthy of recognition: "Up, Down, Sideways", Daggers And Rum, It's Your Move

Rating: 5,5/10 Runaway Trains

http://my.tbaytel.net/tgallo/anvil/
https://twitter.com/AnvilMetal666


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Pounding The Pavement

Standing Ovation - Gravity Beats Nuclear (2015)

The Finnish band Standing Ovation is a interesting bunch of guys, to say the least. Formed in 2006, the band has created a unique mix of progressive metal and, according to themselves, a flurry of addictive details, or as I would call it, fun and insane quirkiness. Judging from the cover, the band seems pretty serious, but it is not until you see their band photos that you realize that they might have a screw or two loose, in a good kind of way. These goofballs have now released their sophomore album, entitled "Gravity Beats Nuclear".

I first got my eyes of the band when they released the music video for the song "Hellbillies", a heavy and wacky song about cannibalism. Yes, this is a song about some drunk chef from Texas that loves to cook human flesh and eat it, it is just as heavy and insane as it sounds. It is without a doubt the most fun song in the entire record, and the instrumentation is impressive as well, especially in the keyboard and guitar solos. As for the music video itself, it is probably my favourite one that was released this year, and it is probably mostly thanks to the singer Jouni Partanen and his pitch black teeth. Check it out for yourself.



The band does mix tons of different styles in their music, without sounding too shattered in their own personality. Most of the music is really melodic and progressive, like the 18 minute mastodon "Lifeline", but it does have its fair share of heavy stuff in it, making the album cover a wide spectrum of the musical landscape. An impressive feat in itself.

The album has several great tracks in it, but none of them really sticks to you as "Hellbillies" does, which is kind of a shame, not because "Hellbillies" is a bad song, but because every other song deserves some more credit. "Permafrost" and "Killer, Iron" has some of the sweetest choruses I have heard all year, "Lifeline" is a fantastic journey from start to finish, and "Run Little Mouse Run" that has a fun groove that is reminiscent of Devin Townsend. Just take your time, and let the songs sink in, then you will understand that his album is more than meets the ear.

I do have some criticism before we round out this review. The ending of the album is a little weak, and while the overall song quality is good, I still feel like the band has some way to go before they can reach the next level. With that said, I still enjoyed the album a lot, and if the band happens to watch this review, just keep doing what you are doing, and you will be fine. You got something cool going on, and I do not want you to hold anything back.

The band certainly aims for the stars in "Gravity Beats Nuclear", and they do succeed to some degree. While the whole picture could have been a little sharper, the experience in itself is interesting enough to be a part of. With a mix of humour, technicality, and finesse, Standing Ovation presents us with a album that is excellent in many ways. Seeing that this is only their second album, I cannot wait to see what they have in store for the future.

Songs worthy of recognition: Hellbillies, "Killer, Iron", Lifeline

Rating: 7,5/10 Permafrosts

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Gama Bomb - Untouchable Glory (2015)

It is once again time to summon our inner thrash guy, and indulge ourselves in the pride and joy of Northern Ireland, Gama Bomb. And judging by the cover, they are better and crazier than ever, paying homage to Hong Kong Kung-Fu movies, James Bond, and snakes that knows how to blow up shit. And sure enough, "Untouchable Glory" is another album filled with what the guys does best, blasting out riffs and beats in a incredible fast pace, while shouting lyrics that are hard to comprehend.

The band's humour has always been their greatest asset, to create a crazy fast spoken story that may be hard to sing along with and discover with only your ears at your disposal, but once you open up that lyric sheet, you will get a good laugh out of it. Actually, the laughs comes early on when you glance at the titles. How can one go wrong with titles like "Drinkers, Inc." and "James Joints".

Just like in the predecessor "The Terror Tapes", the band has made a great effort in making every song in here memorable, a problem that is common in crossover thrash albums. Despite that every song has more or less the same speed, they all have small, intricate details that makes them stand out, whether it be a great and groovy chorus ("Avenge Me!"), funny lyrics ("My Evil Eye"), insane riffing ("She Thing"), or Snoop Dogg references ("James Joints").

Despite containing 12 songs, the album is barely over half an hour long, which I am not surprised over since the genre is built around shorts songs. Fortunately, the only song that is too short is "James Joints", and that song is long enough (1 minute) to pack some good punch in it. It is a shame that the album ends in the blink of an eye, but at least the band favours quality over quantity, which is always good.

The only thing that really bothers me with this record is that they got rid of the thing that got me hooked to the band in the first place, the sci-fi vibe. I guess that "My Evil Eye" and "I Will Haunt You" still have some of that in it, but it is certainly not the focal point anymore. I am not saying that it is a bad decision of the band to focus on other themes and such, but it is a shame that they leave their roots behind to rot. Okay, I am being a little too nostalgic here, so let us get to the closing words of this review before I start a "this band used to be good" rant, because that would just consist of me lying straight to your faces.

For those of you who are experienced with the band, you know what to expect, they do not surprise you with any new age influence here. It is good old crossover thrash from first to last minute, so if you have enjoyed any of the band's previous albums, you should enjoy this one as well, because it is packed with the same amount of action that Bruce Lee got. The glory may be untouchable, but it is well worthy of the band.

Songs worthy of recognition: Avenge Me!, "Drinkers, Inc.", My Evil Eye, I Will Haunt You

Rating: 8,5/10 Ninjas

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The Terror Tapes

Speed Between The Lines

6:33 - Deadly Scenes (2015)

Out of all the weird band names I have encountered during my life time, this one might take the prize. I mean, who names their band after a bunch of numbers one see on a digital watch? Well, these Frenchmen did it, and they have now released their third full length album entitled "Deadly Scenes".

Just like their weird band name, the sound of 6:33 is... well, weird. It is a vast mix of Devin Townsend, jazz, Tim Burton movie music, and a whole bunch of other bands and styles that I cannot comprehend. It is definitely a unique sound that lives on chaos and confusion, but some how it feels so well thought out that it makes perfect sense, making it very interesting listening to it. But the real treat with 6:33 is the shear joy that surrounds everything. The infectious groove in the music is unstoppable, forcing all of your bones to rattle until you cannot sit quietly in your chair. It is a disease that you do not mind having.

All of this insanity is also mixed with a good dose of comedy, whether it is in the silly sound, a pun in "The Walking Fed" or some inappropriate children stories, you can be sure that these guys will try to give you a good laugh or two. And as I have said before, it feels good that there are some people in the metal world that has a sense of humour and shows it through their music, so it does not become dead serious all the time.

As a big fan of Devin Townsend, I off course get attracted to those songs that have most of the influences from the Canadian mad man. "Lazy Boy" has a peculiar mix of ambient music and space like licks that is both beautiful and mesmerizing. The jazzy groove in "Ego Fandango" is incredibly catchy and silly, and it has a sweet drive that not even a semi bad rap part can destroy. It is like the took the Devin song "Bad Devil" and just remodeled it. And then we have "I'm A Nerd", a song title that more or less speaks for itself with its silly, but yet confident sound.

The biggest accomplishment I think 6:33 pulled off in "Deadly Scenes" is the enormous variation in the album. During the entire album, you will never have a clue to what will hit you next. To do that, and still contain a huge catchiness factor is very impressive. Hell, they even have variation when it comes to their stage names. We have Rorschach, Dietrisch Von Schtrudle, S.A.D, and the guy with the very funny name, Niko. And for those wondering, yes, they also have masks when performing, which of course would scare a lot of listeners, thinking the band is too silly for their own good. My thought is, as long as the band is performing well and write good music, they can do whatever they want with their image. It certainly does affect them to a certain extent, but the music should not suffer because of it.

This album could end up as one of the bigger surprises this year, because I did not see before me that I would enjoy such a odd album, but whatever 6:33 is doing, they are doing a hell of a nice job. The controlled chaos in "Deadly Scenes" is weird, but also very intriguing, giving you a urge to want more of it. The infectious grooves and wacky influences blend well together, creating a highly memorable album. If you are going to get out of your own comfort zone and listen to something crazy just once this year, please let this album be you choice. You can thank me afterwards.

Songs worthy of recognition: Ego Fandango, I'm A Nerd, Lazy Boy

Rating: 7,5/10 Black Widows

Psychostick - IV: Revenge of The Vengeance (2014)

Sometimes metal can be boring. About 99% of the bands are so extremely serious that it seems like they have lost, or never had any sense of humour at all. That is why I can appreciate a band like Psychostick, who has devoted their entire musical career with writing metal music that also makes you laugh. Some people may find their style stupid and juvenile, which I actually also do to, but they do it with such style that makes it hard to dislike them. I mean, doesn't everybody like to be stupid once in a while, just to let loose? Just me? Oh well.

No matter how strange it may sound, "IV: Revenge of The Vengeance" is the band's fourth studio effort, created in their own studio and funded by their Indiegogo campaign they had a year ago. And if you have not heard of who these guys are, I suggest that you search for their channel on Youtube, then you will get how these guys work. It is just four guys that wears funny hats (except for the drummer), acts real silly, and are obsessed with beer, taco, and Bruce Campbell. But the most important of all, it is four guys that are having tons of fun, and it is so reflective in the music. Everything from the skits to the instrumentation feels alive.

It is also easy to pick a favourite song in a Psychostick album. The tracks that makes you laugh the most is often the one that you enjoy the most. I for one got a good chuckle out of "Loathe Thy Neighbor" where the singer Rawrb (yes, that is his name) complains over grumpy grannies, annoying hicks, and other annoying neighbours. Damn, Psychostick is good at writing songs about hating something or someone. I also love the paranoia in "Quack Kills", the fantastic (and sort of creepy) celebration to the actor Bruce Campbell, the fast paced "Obey The Beard" and the satire over the death core sound in "So. Heavy.".

But behind the funny lyrics lies a sound that is often very groovy, and has a certain amount of heaviness that is nice, but not impressive. I would say that the sound leans a lot towards the typical American hard rock sound that we have heard from tons of other bands like Papa Roach and AFI, but it still feels original enough for the band to not be associated with those bands, even if the similarities are there sometimes. The track "Blue Screen" could easily have been written in the late 90's or early 00's and is pretty unoriginal. However, the fact that it acts like a love song towards a computer just makes me love the song, and it also works as a satire for these kinds of songs.

But Psychostick does not hit it right in all of the songs in "IV: Revenge of The Vengeance". The song "NSFW" is literally a song where the only thing happening is that the band is trying to go for the world record in saying the word fuck as many times as possible in one song. I never thought that word would lose its meaning, but it certainly did after only one listen through that song. I also find the cover of the Kenny Loggins song "Danger Zone" decent, but seeing what they did to the Dope song "Bodies" in their last album, "Space Vampires Vs. Zombie Dinosaurs In 3D", I expected more from the band instead of some alternation at the end. Also, is it really necessary to incorporate a bloopers outtake at the end of the album just because you are a humour band?

Then we have the skits that are evenly spread out throughout the album. They are all moderately funny, but none of them are really amazing. The two skits that features Billy Manspeaker from the band Green Jellÿ, "New To The Neighborhood" and "Trick or Treat", does not have a very long life span, while "H-flat" works fine as an intro to "So. Heavy". The most impressive skit is definitely "Dimensional Time Portal", in which a dimensional time portal is opened up during a Psychostick show and makes the panties of the female population to glow, causing them to lose all interest for sexual activity. And the only thing that can save Earth is metal, which is shown in the following track, "The Power of Metal Compels You". A insane concept that is just typical Psychostick.

Sometimes, stupid metal can be pretty good, and this is one of those occasions. Psychostick succeeds in their mission of tingling my laughing nerve and does it with a sound that is groovy and pretty cool. I definitely prefer "IV: Revenge of The Vengeance" over 90% of the sitcoms that are released now a days because it entertains me, and you notice that the band members have really put their heart and soul in the material. So yeah, it is stupid, it is juvenile, and it is a high risk that your IQ will drop by a couple of points when you listen to this album, but I would rather be a happy fool than a sad genius. So sit down, open up a beer, take a bite out of your taco, and enjoy the stupidity.

Songs worthy of recognition: Blue Screen, Obey The Beard, Lothe Thy Neighbor, Bruce Campbell

Rating: 7,5/10 Dogs that likes socks

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Do

Devin Townsend Project - Z² (2014) Part 2: Dark Matters

Disc 2 of "Z²" is the official follow up to the fantastic 2007 release "Ziltoid The Omniscient". For those of you who do not remember, that album was a concept album about a green, lizard like alien that started to invade Earth when he was served some fetid coffee, but was stopped when it came out that he was a nerd, and a puppet. In the end, it was all a dream from the mind of a sleepy barista (sorry for the spoiler), so it was easy to assume that we would not see Ziltoid any more, at least not in another album. But here we are now, 7 years after the release of the original, seeing Ziltoid being brought back to life with a new album, a TV show, a radio show, a coming comic book and a huge concert at the Royal Albert Hall in London next year. Who would have seen that coming? Well, maybe the omnidimensional creator.

So what is the story in "Dark Matters"? The story begins where Ziltoid is given a mission by the Ziltoidian Collective to investigate planet Earth to see if it could be the future home for the Ziltoidian race. He is also set to gather more data about a stimulant that the humans consume, but does not know of its hidden powers. And that stimulant is, of course, coffee. To do so, he has become a celebrity to the humans through music and being an alien. After all, he is a 4th dimensional guitar hero. Ziltoid has also made a visit to the planet Titan, where he has come across a race known as the Poozers, small creatures that are children to Blataria, the War Princess (played by Stolen Babies singer Dominique Lenore Persi). After hearing that one of her children were stolen by Ziltoid, she decides to gather her Poozer army, and invade Earth herself and take all of the coffee. Not the story I expected, but it is still interesting, and definitely more well thought out than the story line on the first Ziltoid record.

Now, there are two versions of "Dark Matters" that is available. One CD with dialogues, and one without. Frankly, I prefer the so called raw version because the dialogues are taking up too much space, acting like it is the main show instead of the music. One reason to why the original Ziltoid was so successful is that there was minimal dialogue, and the little dialogue that existed was in between the tracks. In other words, it was the music that was the focal point, which is not the case in "Dark Matters". Even if they take up lots of unnecessary space, the dialogues are telling the story pretty well. I especially like the narrator Bill Courage who gives the album a classic "War of The Worlds" touch. Other voice actors in this album are former wrestler and current Fozzy vocalist Chris Jericho as Captain Spectacular, Mark Cimino as a Poozer, and Chris Devitt as the Planet Smasher, also known as Herman.

"Dark Matters" has a lot of influences from previous Devin Townsend efforts, which does not surprise me one bit. What really surprise me though is that there is not many similarities between this album and the original Ziltoid. The original had that special sound that really fits the alien space theme, while this album feels like "Epicloud" in an astronaut suit. And most of the heavy stuff has more resemblance to "Deconstruction" than "Ziltoid The Omniscient" (there is also some SYL moments in this album). So for those of you who expected a new "Solar Winds", "Color Your World", or "Hyperdrive", you might get dissapointed. The only track that makes you think back to the original Ziltoid record is "Deathray", a song that represents the invasion of Earth. Musically speaking, it may no have much in common with the track "Ziltoidia Attaxx!!!", but the lyrics in the songs are about the same thing, except that it is the Poozers that attack in "Deathray". It is groovy as hell and is one of few songs that has a normal song structure, and it certainly has grown since I first heard it. Definitely one of the better songs in this album, despite its weird lyrics.

There are several other highlights in this album that one must check out. The heavy "Ziltoid Goes Home" blends the classic "City" groove from the SYL age with epic choirs. I did not know that Devin still had it in him to write that kind of music, and I love it. "Ziltoidian Empire" impresses with an irresistible groove that is both weird and humorous, especially when you follow the story line. I can see before me the small Poozer flying through space with the "hede-hede-ya-ah hede-yah" in the background. We also get an amazing performance from Persi in the track "War Princess". I definitely see why Devin chose her to play this role since her vocals fits so well with the War Princess's personality. I also love the apocalyptic "March of The Poozers", the later half of "Earth" and the epic "Dimension Z", the only one out of the three tracks in "Z²" that uses the Universal Choir in the right way.

I can honestly say that "Dark Matters" is the follow up album that Ziltoid deserves. The funny story line has a couple of things that fans of the first Ziltoid record will recognize, but enough new stuff to make it feel new and fresh. The music could have been better structured, but something tells me that this album was not as close to the heart of Devin as "Sky Blue" was. It feels kind of forced, like Devin was pressured to come up with this to please his fans. You do not need to do that Devin, we will still love you as much as the Poozers love the War Princess. Just do what feels good to you, and let the music do the talking.

The final question though is if this is the end of Ziltoid The Omniscient? I am sure that this is the last new musical material we will see him in, but evil aliens always has a way to come back in one way or another. We just have to wait and see, and enjoy the little things around us, like coffee, the sun, and of course, this album.

Songs worthy of recognition: Ziltoid Goes Home, Ziltoidian Empire, March of The Poozers, Dimension Z

Summarization

All in all, "Z²" does not quite live up to my inhumanly high expectations, but that does not mean that Devin bit off more than he could chew. Both albums are great creations and I like the fact that they are so different from each other, like two polar opposites. I simply cannot pick a favourite out of the two because they excel in different ways. "Sky Blue" feels more down to Earth and closer to what Devin wants to do, while "Dark Matters" impress with the funny and interesting concept. Together they create a fantastic double album that is just another proof of Devin's vast musical mind. The man never seems to run out of ideas. The project is not at its final destination yet, but the highlight is now behind us, and all we can do is just enjoy the ride and remember the wonderful music. Next stop, the Royal Albert Hall in London and the Ziltoid musical. Prepare your finest coffee.

Rating: 8,5/10 Earths

Part 1

Devin Townsend Project - Z² (2014) Part 1: Sky Blue

It feels pretty unreal that it has finally happened. After months of waiting and tons of other media that has led up to this moment, Devin Townsend is finally ready to reveal his biggest album project yet. The double album entitled "Z²" has been super hyped ever since it was announced, and I think it is thanks to the fact that the fans really love the green, coffee drinking alien Ziltoid The Omniscient. I can guarantee that the Casualties of Cool crowd funding campaign became so successful because that the left overs was going to be spent in this double album. I do think the funders were interested in how this Casualties of Cool project would turn out, but just the pure thought of a follow up to the critically acclaimed "Ziltoid The Omniscient" just made my, and probably several other's, mouth so moist. However, I do not think many fans expected this album to be a double sandwich, a album that represents a combat between the DTP and Ziltoid.

Since this album is so huge, I want to do the review like this. This first part will focus on the first album, entitled "Sky Blue", which is the DTP part of "Z²", and then I will release a second part tomorrow focusing on the official follow up album to "Ziltoid The Omniscient", entitled "Dark Matters". I will also summarize "Z²" in the second part and give it a proper rating, instead of rating the two albums separately and give "Z²" the middle value of those two ratings. So let's get to it shall we?

Sky Blue

So first out is the DTP part of the double album, and for those who are well aware of what Devin has previously done in this project will recognize the sound instantly. The sound in "Sky Blue" has several similarities with mostly "Epicloud", but also earlier Devin albums like "Terria" and "Synchestra" have their fair share in "Sky Blue". In other words, it is joyful, almost pop like metal Devin is giving us with a lot of choir. We also get to hear Devin's favourite female partner once again, former The Gathering singer Anneke Van Giersbergen, which just feels right since her soft vocals fits so well with this type of music.

Knowing what to come, it feels good that Devin opens up "Z²" with a album that has its feet on Earth. "Sky Blue" has an overall spiritual feeling that has a high memorability factor and contains a virus that gives you the urge to sing along. And it also feels like this is the type of music Devin wants to write, not because it has become a successful sound, but for the reason that he is in the point of his life where he does not want to go bat shit crazy anymore, he just wants to make himself and people around him happy, which is really reflective in the music.

Let us get into one of the highlights in "Sky Blue", the song "Before We Die". It is not the highlight because it is a beautiful song with an amazing epic chorus, it is a highlight since it is one out of three songs in "Z²" that utilizes the Universal Choir project where fans could send in their sound file of them singing a specific part of a song, and then Devin would bake it in to make a humongous and epic choir to spice up "Z²". I really think it is a fantastic idea by Devin, but unfortunately, It is only fully utilized in the "Dark Matters" track "Dimension Z", which is disappointing. Not saying that the choir goes by unnoticed in both "Before We Die" and "Z²", but it does not stand out as much as in "Dimension Z".

The album's strong point is in the middle where four fantastic songs are gathered together like a big joyful lump. "Universal Flame", "Warrior", "Sky Blue" and "Silent Militia" are all great pieces that are among the best tracks in the album, together with "Fallout" and "Before We Die", and they impress with different strength. The title track is a grand piece without sounding big, which really makes the duet between Devin and Anneke sound so much better. "Silent Militia" is probably the angriest song in the album, but it gets you pumped up and is a perfect song to just scream out the words. "Universal Flame" is incredibly catchy, almost at the edge of being repetitive, but the cool persona of Devin stops it from being annoying. Finally, "Warrior" is the song where Anneke gets the most room for her talent, and she uses that room perfectly in this epic track.

Most of the tracks that I have not mentioned are more or less the same thing. Slow songs that are very close to the ambient style that Devin has nudged so many times before, and they are a good edition to the album so the down to Earth feeling really sinks in, but none of the songs are really memorable at all, so it is easy to look past them. I have never been a fan of ambient music and this addition to "Sky Blue" does lower its quality, especially since some of it is totally unnecessary. For example, the last three minutes of "Before We Die" is more or less silence, which is pretty annoying, and the final track in the album, "The Ones Who Love", are just a dumb way to end the album. A total of 5 minutes of material that could have been utilized in a more efficient way.

The first half of "Z²" is a wonderful and spiritual experience, and it will certainly make lots of Devin's fans happy (especially those who recently discovered the Canadian). This "Terria" / "Epicloud" hybrid is interesting and a good gateway to how Devin is as a person now a days. "Sky Blue" is definitely necessary in this double album, because you could lose your sanity if you just got into "Dark Matters" without any spiritual warm up. The easy part is now over, let us all jump into hyperdrive and once again make a visit to Ziltoid The Omniscient.

Songs worthy of recognition: Fallout, Sky Blue, Silent Militia, Before We Die

Part 2

Alestorm - Sunset On The Golden Age (2014)

During the start of the 21st century, the movie series Pirates of The Caribbean brought the pirate trend up and going. And around the same time, two metal bands merged into one called Battleheart, a band that based it music around the pirate culture. Coincidence? Probably, but I could not care less about it. Anyway, Battleheart later changed name to Alestorm and released its debut album, "Captain Morgan's Revenge" in 2008, and so, an exciting foray began with bringing the finest of metal music as the goal.

"Sunset On The Golden Age" is album number 4 by the band and just as always, it is filled with heavy music about pirates and pirate related stuff. In this album, we learn how to walk the plank, the difficulties that comes with having one (and two) wooden leg and how to hunt for both ships and mead. So if you have listened to at least one of the 3 earlier Alestorm albums, then you probably know what to expect from "Sunset On The Golden Age".

But even if this album is much alike its predecessors, it is still a lot of fun to listen to this album. The track "Drink" is a perfect song for a party before going out to the town to ravage and songs like "Wooden Leg!" and "Mead From Hell" will give you a good chuckle. However, the most impressing thing with "Sunset On The Golden Age" is that Alestorm is trying to evolve themselves in the song writing with writing more serious songs. Both "Magnetic North" and "1741 (The Battle of Cartagena)" are more mature songs that builds up a story. Two songs that really spices up the album in a positive way.

The title track is also interesting, since it is the longest song the band has ever released. With a length of 11 minutes and 26 seconds, "Sunset On The Golden Age" closes the album in a epic fashion. I am a sucker for long songs when they are well made, and unfortunately, this song is not. There is nothing really wrong with the song, it just feels like the band could have made it shorter and there by more efficient. Like the ending is totally unnecessary and could have been shortened without any problem. Good first try though on making a 10+ minute song.

Alestorm has also been known for doing interesting covers, like "Wolves of The Sea" and "In The Navy". This time, they take on a recent dance club hit made by Taio Cruz called "Hangover". I understand why they chose to cover this song, but I think it is a little too similar to the original. But still, it works and fits the band pretty nicely.

In the end, it is no denying that Alestorm has once again looted their way towards success. "Sunset On The Golden Age" is both the most diverse and even album in the band's career, which ultimately makes it their best album so far. My concern is still how far the band can go with the pirate theme without constantly repeating themselves, but since they haven't done that just yet, I will just mind my own business for now. So open up the rum and enjoy this musical booty that is called "Sunset On The Golden Age".

Songs worthy of recognition: Mead From Hell, 1741 (The Battle of Cartagena), Wooden Leg!

Rating: 8/10 Hangovers

Devin Townsend Project - Deconstruction (2011)

So after going progressive in the first record and going pop metal in the second, what awaited us on the third album by Devin Townsend Project? This time, the crazy Canadian gives us a comedic concept album named "Deconstruction". The album follows a man that wants to find out the true nature of reality. He ends up in hell where he meets the Devil and finds out that the secrets of the universe lies within a cheeseburger. But since our protagonist is vegetarian, he refuses the cheeseburger and admits that his journey was completely pointless.

So yeah, it is another great and hilarious concept made by Devin. But the comedy is not as much apparent as it was on "Punky Brüster - Cooked On Phonics" and "Ziltoid The Omniscient". There are no dialogues between the tracks that explains the story, so you have to go deeper into the lyrics to find the humour and the plot. It is the little things that makes you laugh, like hearing that all bands rip off Meshuggah, Oderus Urungus shouting shit a brick, or even the mentioning of Ziltoid the omniscient. I also get a laugh of the fact that when Devin screams sorrow man in "Planet of The Apes" it sounds like he is screaming Saruman (the evil wizard in The Lord of The Rings for those of you who do not get the joke).

This album is packed with a lot of personnel and guest artists from more or lesser known bands. For instance, we have Oderus Urungus (Gwar), Mikael Åkerfeldt (Opeth), Floor Jansen (ReVamp, Nightwish), Tommy Giles Rogers (Between The Buried And Me), and many more. Hell, we even have an entire orchestra that has helped out with this album. So it comes as no surprise that even with this many guest artists, the quality of the music is at its top. It sounds chaotic from start to finish, but it is still holding up well thanks to the concept and the well constructed structure.

The complete chaos that this album brings makes it the heaviest album Devin has done outside of Strapping Young Lad. Just listen to the chugging blast beats in "Juular" or the incredible speed in "Pandemic". If that does not remind you of SYL, then I do not know what will. But this album also impress us with the big and epic songs. From the slow and technical "Stand", to the diverse "Planet of The Apes", this album brings some of the best epics Devin has ever created. Even "The Mighty Masturbator" sounds good despite the carnival scene around the end of this 16 minute epic. I also have to mention the title track, since it is the main track for the overall concept (and also for its goofiness).

"Deconstruction" is just another proof of why I like to call Devin the Jim Carrey of metal. This is a weird and funny concept, and together with some heavy and progressive music, this album goes down as one of Devin's finest albums. This is the perfect album for those of you who wants to take out your aggressions on, oh I do not know, an ignorant vegetarian hipster who refuses to eat a cheeseburger. I do not know about you guys, but this album gives me a big boner and it is making me hungry. I WANT A CHEESEBURGER!!!

Songs worthy of recognition: Planet of The Apes, Stand, Juular, Pandemic

Rating: 9/10 Poltergeists

Devin Townsend - Ziltoid The Omniscient (2007)

After the birth of his first son, Devin took some time off of the touring with Strapping Young Lad and The Devin Townsend Band to take a break from music. I guess that break was not very long at all since he released this album in the spring of 2007 (a half year after the release of "The Hummer"). "Ziltoid The Omniscient" is one of the most legendary and well appreciated albums in the Devin Townsend discography, mostly thanks to the crazy concept about a 4th dimensional alien that travels to Earth in search for the ultimate cup of coffee.

This is the solo album with a capital S. Devin made the album all by himself (even the drums thanks to the Drumkit From Hell expansion on EZdrummer). This makes it even more impressing since the production is very good and the drums are sounding pretty real (although some parts are just a little too ridiculous). But his best work is not the production nor the work he put into this album. It is the amazingly hilarious concept. Everything with this concept is so well thought of into the finest details. From the dialogues in and between the tracks to the voice acting made by Devin, Dave Young and Brian Waddell.

After a short introduction to this green, lizard like alien who has the same hair style as Devin, the invasion begins with "By Your Command" and "Ziltoidia Attaxx!!!", two heavy songs that shows how Ziltoid got the title as the ultimate 4th dimensional guitar hero, but also two songs that shows the diversity of the album. "By Your Command" is a heavy and progressive piece with an ending that instantly brings out goose bumps and some frenetic headbanging, while "Ziltoidia Attaxx!!!" is more of a faster paced song that could easily have been in the "Mars Attacks" sound track (btw, that movie is so bad that it is sometimes good).

After that, we get to follow Captain Spectacular and his ride towards Nebulon 9, in search for Ziltoids true identity (how that will stop the invasion is beyond my knowledge). This part of the story is explained in "Solar Winds" and "Hyperdrive", two songs that are slower, but are still very much alike the two songs that was before them. "Solar Winds" have a great epic ending and "Hyperdrive" is a shorter song, more fast paced song. I also think "Hyperdrive" is the song on this album that defines the space theme best with its dark feel and laid back vocals. It is without a doubt one of my favourite tracks on this album.

So Ziltoid gets exposed as the nerd he is and the story skips forward to what seems like a crucial thinking process where he decides to attack Earth once again, but this time with the devastating 6th dimensional Planet Smasher. This is without a doubt the heaviest track on the album, and probably the closest we get to being a Strapping Young Lad song (the verse reminds me of the track "Hope" from "The New Black"). I only miss a smashing solo, but other than that, this is a fantastic song with great drum beats, awesome growling, and probably the grandest chorus that Devin has ever created. Makes me wonder why the Planet Smasher rejects Ziltoid after this magnificent effort.

The album ends with Ziltoid visiting the Omnidimensional Creator (or some pot head) to find out his true identity and a plot twist (which I will not reveal. Listen to the album yourself you lazy hippie). This leads us into the most progressive part of the album with the amazingly diverse "Color Your World" as the epic master piece. If it was not for "Color Your World", then I think that "Ziltoid The Omniscient" would be a slightly less awesome album. The technicality and the flow of the song lifts the album from being great to being a master piece. The last two songs of the album are fine pieces as well, but they are clearly behind quality wise against the other songs.

So is this the end of this coffee drinking alien? Devin never intended to continue the story of Ziltoid, but since this album was such a huge success, Ziltoid has been seen in many other medias, such as merchandise, having and own radio show and a coming web series. And yes, there is a follow up album called "Z²" coming hopefully around late 2014/early 2015. A decision I am not surprised of, since this is such a magnificent album with one of the funniest characters the metal community has ever seen. So when Ziltoid will once gain show up in the future, I will certainly give him my finest coffee bean that I have to offer. Hail Ziltoid.

Songs worthy of recognition: Color Your World, By Your Command, Solar Winds, Hyperdrive, Planet Smasher

Rating: 9/10 Tall Lattes

https://www.hevydevy.com/
https://twitter.com/dvntownsend

More reviews of Devin Townsend (solo work)
Punky Brüster - Cooked On Phonics
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Infinity
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Devin Townsend - Punky Brüster - Cooked On Phonics (1996)

I like to refer Devin Townsend as the Jim Carrey of metal, mostly because he can come up with some really crazy shit, and this album is one of those crazy shits. "Punky Brüster - Cooked On Phonics" (the names are puns of Punky Brewster and Hooked On Phonics) is a concept album about a Polish death metal band named Cryptic Coroner. The band is struggling to make a living out of their music. But one day during a show, when one of the members brakes a string, the band finds a more punk rock style. After that, their career rises like a rocket and they also change their name to Punky Brüster, but the price is that they have sold their souls and now creates music that they do not give a shit about.

This is definitely a fun concept, but it also has some truth in it. Think about it. The music industry today works that people like Miley Cyrus and Lil Wayne, who does practically nothing, gets tons of recognition while artists that writes their own music and really works passionately for their music does not get squat. Yeah, the music industry is pretty fucked up, but we already knew that.

The music on this album is, not surprisingly, punk rock, so do not expect any developed metal madness from this record (except for the first part of the opening track "Recipe For Bait"). There is a big lack of variety in this album and if it was not for the dialogues, this album would be a big mash of fast riffs and easily digestible rock. In other words, a very bad album.

The only two good punk songs on this album is the classic old school punk song "Wallet Chain" and the fast and hooky "Fake Punk". I can also enjoy "Heinous Anus" and "Ez$$" from time to time. But it stands clear that the music is best when it leans more towards old school punk a la Sex Pistols instead of the more skate punk oriented style.

It is the comedy and dialogues that are the star of the show, and hearing Devin interpret the story in a pretty silly voice is just hilarious. But what is even more funny is following Cryptic Coroner's transformation from being heavy metal guys with dark and growling voices to lame punk guys with squeakier voices than Alvin and the chipmunks. It is also easy to feel sorry for the guys who have sold their souls and all they end up to show for is squeaky voices, a Grammy award and fake groupies who are not willing to go all the way when they discover the band's "horrible" secret.

As a concept, this is an excellent album, but as a musical piece, "Punky Brüster - Cooked On Phonics" is pretty weak. The variation is no where to be found and the cheesiness level is through the roof. But this is a album that you should not take seriously. Instead, you should embrace the theme and see the silliness in it. If you do that, then there is a slight chance that you will enjoy this album, but I would not count on it though.

Songs worthy of recognition: Fake Punk, Wallet Chain

Rating: 5/10 Heavy Metal Mamas

https://www.hevydevy.com/
https://twitter.com/dvntownsend

More reviews of Devin Townsend (solo work)
Ocean Machine: Biomech
Infinity
Physicist
Terria
Devlab
The Hummer
Ziltoid The Omniscient

Empath